


under the cherry blossom tree

by mossring



Series: one, two, three [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Development, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Koharu Development™, M/M, Personal Growth, but later becomes canon-divergent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24178726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mossring/pseuds/mossring
Summary: In which Koharu learns to let go, grow, blossom, and hold on.(About beginnings, endings, and the in-between.)
Relationships: Barri-chan | Mimey & Koharu | Chloe, Gou | Goh & Koharu | Chloe, Gou | Goh/Koharu | Chloe (one-sided), Gou | Goh/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Koharu | Chloe & Koharu no Wanpachi | Chloe's Yamper, Koharu | Chloe & Sakuragi-hakase | Professor Cerise, Koharu | Chloe & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Koharu | Chloe & Sonia, Koharu | Chloe & Yoshino | Talia, Koharu | Chloe/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum (one-sided)
Series: one, two, three [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899298
Comments: 78
Kudos: 150





	1. the beginning, but already the end

**Author's Note:**

> (this is dedicated to the Ash x Gou Server, because i love my fellow shippers as much as i do with koharu.)
> 
> koharu/chloe and professor sakuragi/cerise's names are their japanese ones here, because i've grown too used with them. also, any character who hasn't debuted in the english dub as of the date of publication are referred to by their original japanese names.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vicious cycle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a story, in seven parts, about koharu, because i love her and she's my favourite character. there's so much we don't know about her. so much potential. i've always wanted to write about koharu, so here it is. the cumulation of my love and subsequent over-analysis of this character and my hopes for her character arc. (anipoke, do not disappoint.)
> 
> this story is canon-compliant, following the events of what's happened so far in the series--until chapter 4, where we diverge from the canon, since there's only 22 episodes so far. (here's hoping the hiatus lifts soon when all is well.)

**1**

_the beginning, but already the end_

Obsession. It always circles back to obsession.

Obsession, Koharu learns, encompasses insanity, and insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Except it’s the same—she’s the same, he’s the same, everything in the world is the same and nothing has changed. 

But because she’s the same, she never learns. 

She’s obsessed, and hence she’s insane, but she likes to think he’s the insane one. 

He’s certainly obsessed, too, except it’s all wrong because he’s obsessed with all the wrong things. 

But Koharu knows she’s insane, because he glances at her and her obsessed text messages, and then never looks at her again. Just like how one would look at another, see the insanity in them, and turn away and put a distance between them. Like nothing has happened. Like everything is the same.

Except it isn’t.

* * *

Koharu doesn’t remember when she stopped liking Pokemon.

As the daughter of a Pokemon Professor, she is expected to love them. She is expected to follow in her father’s footsteps, or become a Pokemon Trainer. 

If not, well.

Koharu doesn’t remember when she stopped liking Pokemon. But Koharu remembers when Gou started to look at her as if she was insane, and she remembers when she started to look at him as if _he_ was the insane one. She remembers when he dropped out of school after Professor Oak’s Summer Camp, how Kurune and Ikuo lamented to her about his obsession with tracking Mew down. 

Mew. Koharu’s lip curls.

She should have never invited Gou to the camp. If she hadn’t invited him, he would’ve never seen Mew, and he would’ve never become so obsessed with Mew. 

He would’ve never dropped out of school.

Maybe, Koharu thinks, maybe that was when she stopped liking Pokemon. Watching her closest friend become obsessed, become insane, watching him lose himself to Pokemon, lose himself to chasing a Pokemon that would never let him get close to catching it. 

She breathes in the familiar smell of the sea, salty and gritty, and exhales slowly.

“Oh right,” her friend drawls from beside her, and Koharu looks up and blinks at her, “Gou hardly goes to school, right?”

Koharu scoffs at that statement, but the hand around the strap of her backpack tightens ever so slightly. 

“It seems like _all_ he ever does is studying and researching Pokemon,” she snipes, turning up her nose. Her friends give her strange looks. They always give her these looks, like they can’t wrap their heads around her, like she’s insane. Maybe she is, but she’s tired of it.

“Isn’t that what your dad does, Koharu?” asks one of them. “Studying and researching Pokemon.”

“Don’t you wanna do that too?” the other pipes in, and Koharu feels the vice around her chest tighten. “That’s _so_ perfect, Koharu!”

“What is?”

“You and Gou!”

Koharu stares at her. “What?” Her voice comes out as slightly breathless, and she huffs in irritation.

“He’s coming to the lab’s opening ceremony later, right?” she replies in a saccharine voice, waggling her eyebrows. “You two can hang out together, just like old times! How romantic—”

“There’s nothing romantic about hanging out,” Koharu intones, cutting her off with a flat look. 

She raises her head to the sky, the overhead sun nearly blinding her eyes. She squints at the wisps of cotton drifting across.

 _Just like old times, huh?_ Koharu wants to scoff.

It would never be _just like old times_ again. Like the clouds drifting across the sky, the two of them have drifted from each other, guided away by their separate tailwinds.

The only thing keeping them together is her father. _Professor_ Sakuragi. Because he is a Pokemon Professor, and Gou is obsessed with all things Pokemon.

It was the only reason why he even agreed to attend the opening ceremony.

Koharu swallows, tasting the biting sour in her throat.

Maybe, maybe she stopped liking Pokemon because she hated being associated with her father’s profession. But it didn’t stop her friends and her father’s friends from doing so nonetheless.

And Gou?

Gou now looks at her like she’s a mystery, one he can’t unravel with his analytical technology. And Koharu looks back at him like _he’s_ the mystery she can’t unravel, pushing him away but calling out for him at the same time.

* * *

She parts with her friends at the bottom of the stairs leading to the new laboratory, and she looks up at the massive building towering over her like a castle. Another ode to Pokémon. An endless investment of time, money, energy, thoughts, dreams… She regards it with one of her cool, indifferent looks she mastered over time, before turning to walk up the stairs.

 _“Wanpa! Wanpa!”_ At the familiar barking of her family Yamper, she breaks into a smile.

“Yamper! I’m home—” she freezes, her words lodged in her throat with a grimace as her eyes land on… a dead body.

No, it’s alive—and it’s a boy, just charred beyond recognition. Yamper sticks his tongue out, panting almost delightedly. And… a Pikachu stands right on top of the boy sprawled on the steps. Their eyes meet, and the Pikachu holds her gaze steadfastly, like it isn’t just _standing on the top of a dead body._

She eyes them for a second more, before inching to the side of the staircase and scurrying away. Yamper follows behind her in a series of excited squeals, and Koharu closes her eyes momentarily and tries to peel the scene she just witnessed off her eyeballs.

The weight in her chest weighs still, and halfway up the steps, she fishes out her smartphone, stares at the screen for a while, before exhaling and bringing up Gou’s contact.

She can’t believe she’s still chasing after Gou, like how Gou chases after Mew—but maybe the two of them aren’t as different as she wants them to be. After all, they were both obsessed, and that’s what obsessed people do—chase after something they will never catch up to.

_Where are you?? The ceremony starts in less than five minutes!_

The double doors are held open, and a crowd is filing into the common room. Koharu ignores them and heads up the staircase by the lobby, randomly entering one of the rooms. She’s stopped attending Pokemon Research related programmes with her father a while back, and thankfully, her father has never looked at her like she was insane.

She hates the attention, really. She hates the attention, and the pressure, and the talk. Koharu wonders how her father bears all of it. After all, everyone keeps talking about him and calling him a genius, a protege, the up-and-coming Kanto professor, and this opening ceremony is going to prove all of that. And everyone keeps talking about _her_ , his daughter, who must surely be following in her brilliant father’s footsteps. To continue his work.

Everyone in the world is obsessed with Pokemon, and she hates it. Everyone, except for her mother, who draws and paints worlds and skies and the stars in the sky, and Koharu, who watches her work with stars in her eyes. Sometimes, it feels like the two of them are in a world of their own, one that no one else can ever enter.

With a sigh, she plops down on the couch and takes out her textbook. Her phone lies cold and silent next to her book, so Koharu gives it the cold shoulder and the silent treatment, while Yamper rolls over on the couch, sticking out his tongue adorably. As she takes a sip of her strawberry milk, she smiles at him, the ice in her heart melting a little.

She may have stopped liking Pokemon, she may hate how everyone is obsessed with Pokemon, but she certainly doesn’t hate Pokemon.

She returns to her book, smile still lingering on her lips, but it quickly fades after a minute slips by in earnest and there’s still no sign of him.

She huffs, shuts her book and rises from the couch. Yamper follows her to the window. Koharu glances out at the stretch of green before her, an empty garden. It echoes the hollow feeling in her chest as she groans more to Yamper than herself, “Where is he? That Gou…”

She jumps when her phone rings in her hand, and she blinks at the message on the screen. 

_“‘Waiting for a fateful encounter, so I’ll be late…’”_ she reads out, then blanches. “What?”

“Wanpa!” Yamper barks, and Koharu tries to quash the heavy, disappointed feeling that had settled upon her chest, once again.

She puts her phone away and turns to the window again. She continues staring out at the empty Sakuragi Park, the sounds of the crowd clapping and cheering ringing hollow in her ears.

* * *

Koharu almost does a double take when she sees the dead body by Gou’s side.

He no longer looks dead—in the golden light of the setting sun, he glows as if he’s the sun himself, his eyes sparkling and cheeks flushed. And Gou… 

He looks _radiant,_ all bouncing energy as he practically vibrates with excitement. Their eyes meet, blue against green, and Koharu feels the familiar irritation settle in.

With a huff and furrowed eyebrows, she walks out from behind the sliding door and complains, “You’re late, Gou!”

“Wanpa! Wanpa!” Yamper bounds outside and starts licking Pikachu’s cheek.

The two boys are lying chests against the ground, their heads steered up to look at her with identical flushed cheeks. Koharu resists the urge to roll her eyes and tries not to crumple the stack of papers she holds in her hands.

“Listen, Koharu!” Gou shouts, ignoring her remark completely. Koharu studies him slowly as his words come out in a rushed flurry, like his body can't contain them any longer. “We had a fateful encounter! With Lugia!”

Lugia. _So it was Pokémon again. It's always Pokémon._

In return, Koharu gives him a flat, unimpressed look. She simply can't muster any cheerfulness for Gou’s sake. 

“Did you, now…” she drawls, before stooping down to hand Gou the worksheets. “Here are the papers from school.”

Gou pouts his lips and grumbles, “It’s not like I'd need them anyway…” Koharu turns a murderous look onto him, and he takes the papers from her, eyes widening and turning his head away from her.

“Ah, uh, where’s Professor Sakuragi?” he says in a panicked voice. 

Just the question she knew he would ask. She turns around and points inside. “He’s inside with Professor Oak.” At her words, Gou’s eyes light up.

“Eh?” he cries excitedly. “Professor Oak, too?” With that, he stands up and shoots inside, shouting “Professor!”

He leaves nothing but a flurry of wind and dust in his wake, and a windswept Koharu. (She does not associate with the dead body.) She curls her lip in distaste, not seeming to be able to bring herself and turn behind and gaze after Gou. 

It’s always been this way, even before he met Mew. Every time she invites him to her father’s old laboratory to play, he doesn’t _play—_ he goes into full research mode, studying the Pokemon and poring over research papers with her father. And after Mew and after her father got too busy accommodating the planning and construction of his new laboratory, he stayed in his house behind his six glaring computer screens, bleary eyes searching valiantly for a sign that would never show.

And since then, Koharu stopped inviting him to the laboratory—until now—but nothing has changed.

At her feet, the boy looks up at her curiously, and Koharu flinches at his voice, refusing to look at him. “Oh, your dad is Professor Sakuragi?” he asks eagerly, but Yamper effectively cuts him off by rushing up to him and barking ferociously at him. 

She just knew he would ask that question.

* * *

She lingers behind the doors, back against the smooth mahogany. Gou and the other boy—they call him Ash—are getting on just fine together, and even her father has marked his stamp of approval. 

They were immediately taken with Ash. It isn't hard to see why. The boy moves and talks and breathes Pokémon like it's his second skin. 

He's everything Koharu isn't.

And when her father offers the two boys to become his research fellows, everyone is happy. She smiles. Even though she knows her father would never force Pokémon research onto her, she also knows she broke her father’s heart, three years ago, when she told him she didn’t want to learn about Pokemon any longer.

He deserves this.

So after they’ve settled into the dormitory above, she takes it upon herself to remind him about Gou’s trainer debut. 

“My first Pokemon will be… Mew!” 

Koharu can’t help but make a face at Gou’s declaration. Mew will never be his first Pokemon, but why bother trying to convince an insane and obsessed person?

* * *

(She returns to her home shortly after, Yamper slumped and snoozing in its dog seat. The scenery blurs beyond the car window, and she lifts her head to stare at the stars above.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've written 4 and a quarter's worth of chapters so far in a hope to space out my updating so i can actually have time to finish and update like a sane person. let's hope that doesn't come to naught. how regularly should i update? once or twice a week?


	2. the end of the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the vicious cycle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the kudos and comments! i hope you enjoy the second chapter :)

**2**

_the end of the beginning_

Gou has really grown.

Koharu thought it wasn't possible, but he _really_ has grown—and not just physically. 

She realises that, startlingly, when she visits the laboratory one day after school and a bright-eyed Scorbunny is beside Yamper to greet her. 

“Ni-ba ni-ba!” it squeals, and Koharu can’t help but think that it is positively adorable.

She kneels down to pet the both of them, Yamper barking and wagging its tail happily.

“Now where did _you_ come from?” she murmurs to the Scorbunny, ruffling its soft white fur. The Scorbunny nuzzles its cheek against her palm.

“It’s mine!” 

Koharu looks up to see Gou beaming down at her, a thumb pointed to his chest. She feels her eyes widen, feels her eyebrows lift. 

“It’s _yours?”_

He bristles. “Yeah? What’s with that tone?” he says in a hurt voice, and Koharu feels herself withdraw, just a little.

“Nothing,” she says lightly, still petting Yamper. _Just that you’re obsessed with Mew, and Mew was supposed to be your first Pokemon._ Without looking at him, she says, “Aren’t you supposed to be setting off on one of your… journeys, now?”

She feels Gou study her for a long second, before he sighs and mutters a short reply, “Yeah.” With that, he turns away and runs back into the laboratory, yelling, “Ash! Hurry up!” The Scorbunny bounds after him.

She stares at his retreating back with a humourless smile. 

She and Gou haven’t had a proper conversation since Ash moved into the laboratory. But maybe that’s her fault. She’s not exactly his idea of a nice conversation, what with her indifferent attitude towards Pokemon and her increasingly cold demeanour.

Koharu feels the wall between them, more than ever. But the one thing she knows is that Gou has grown, and she’s proud of him.

Maybe it’s time _she_ grew up, too.

* * *

Gou is in love with Ash.

Koharu’s sure of that, after she spends months of afternoons in the laboratory after school, even after the Gengar incident that has left a mark on her she would never forget. 

She doesn’t know why she invests so much time in a place she would never connect on a deeper level with, but there’s just something so… _homely_ about the laboratory.

Perhaps it’s her father’s ever-lingering presence, how she enjoys watching a completely different side of him as he furrows his eyebrows poring over a research paper, or a computer screen showing statistical data—how completely immersed in his work he is. 

Perhaps it’s Kikuna and Renji, especially Kikuna, who feels like a second mother to Koharu. In her stylish, pale pink lab coat, she pampers Koharu with cups of homemade hot chocolate and chides her to refrain from drinking so many of those cold packeted drinks she loves to consume, her deep violet eyes filled with as much warmth as her gentle hands. 

Or perhaps it’s Ash Ketchum himself—even though Koharu would never admit it to the boy himself. The veteran Trainer and Koharu never actually had a single conversation with each other (and that’s mainly Koharu’s fault for ignoring him) but despite that, Ash always smiles at her whenever she invites herself into the lounge and their eyes inadvertently meet. The warmth in his eyes and smile seems to prevent Koharu from tossing her head and sniffing coldly like she usually would. 

And sometimes, Pikachu would bound up to Koharu’s side with a small squeal, looking up at her expectantly—and Koharu would melt, reach her hand over and pet Pikachu’s head fondly. After a few afternoons, Pikachu made its way into Koharu’s lap, nuzzled beside Yamper as the Puppy Pokemon licked Pikachu’s cheek. And then Scorbunny would get jealous and grumble and stomp its feet in huffs, and everyone would laugh at it until Koharu gives in and reaches over to give it a snuggle, too.

She doesn’t know why Pokemon like her so much, and she doesn’t actually know if she likes them half as much as they seem to. But in the laboratory, there’s a certain type of atmosphere that seems to compel her to show more affection towards Pokemon. And she can’t reject them, because Pokemon are harder to reject than people.

Or at least that’s how she used to think, not long ago. Until the Gengar incident, where she and Yamper have grown much closer. Now, it almost feels as if Yamper is her own Pokemon because of how much time they spend together now. Now, Yamper sleeps snuggled next to her in bed every night, and sits in her lap the whole car trip to school every day.

“You know, Koharu, for someone who doesn’t like Pokemon, you sure give them a lot of attention,” Gou says hotly one afternoon, seconds after Ash has left the lounge to pour himself a drink. 

The two of them are alone in the lounge, Koharu writing in her workbook while Yamper snores just beside her on the sofa.

Koharu rolls her eyes, not bothering to spare Gou a single glance as she continues on to the next question in her homework assignment. “Got a problem with that?” she says coolly. 

“I—of course n—ugh, _yes!”_ Gou cries, waving his arms in irritation. 

Koharu puts down her pen and looks at him.

“I don’t get you, Koharu. That cool attitude of yours. You didn’t use to be like that. You were so cheerful and friendly, but now you treat Ash like he’s not there and you don’t even want to chat with me! And you _claim_ you’re not interested in Pokemon, but _why?_ You used to like Pokemon almost as much as me! But now, you’re…” his voice diminishes, and he looks down at his palms. 

“You’re like a completely different person, and sometimes I don’t even know how to talk to you.”

Yamper wakes at his raised voice, and immediately goes on guard mode as he barks and growls at Gou.

Koharu sighs. So he’s finally decided to address the elephant in the room. 

And she hears his unspoken question in the air: _Are we even friends anymore?_

“Look, Gou,” she finally says. “It’s simple. You’re obsessed with Pokemon. I’m not. So we have nothing much to talk about.” She raises her eyebrows at Gou’s stunned expression, and continues with a bored voice. “But _Ash_ is obsessed with Pokemon like you are. So you spend your time with him. You become best friends with him. You go on your little dates with him.” She ignores his squawk of protest and the blush that immediately floods his face. 

“And…” she trails off, then sighs and admits, “I think you’ve grown a lot since you met Ash, so you _should_ spend your time with him, and not me. Spending time with me wouldn’t help you to grow.” 

She doesn’t let the bitterness seep into her voice, but the words come out strained anyway.

Koharu feels Gou’s eyes on her, and even without looking at him, she knows he’s about to cry. “Koharu…”

“What,” she says, irritated.

“Can we still be friends?”

Koharu can’t help but laugh at his question. “Oh, Gou,” she sighs. _You need to give yourself a little more credit and stop asking the obvious._

She remembers months ago, when she stopped in front of the laboratory entrance and heard Gou’s small voice. 

_Well then… while you’re at it… could you be my friend—_

And Ash interrupted him, _What do you mean? We’re already friends, right?_

And when she walked in, the two of them were clutching each other in fear as Yamper bounded over to her.

(She didn’t miss the blush on Gou’s face, but she brushed it off as embarrassment back then. And then, as she spends more and more time around the two boys, she starts to see more and more—how Gou lights up like a bulb every time Ash enters the room; how his eyes widen and his cheeks flush when Ash leans in and puts an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer; how he scratches the back of his neck and laughs nervously whenever Ash compliments him; how he stares at Ash with a smile and an absolutely smitten look in his eyes whenever Ash does _anything—_ )

“We’ve never stopped being friends,” she tells Gou with an amused smile, and Gou lights up in relief, tears forming in his eyes.

“Oh, Koharu!” he simply _bawls,_ and lunges over to pull Koharu in a hug. Koharu stiffens in surprise.

“Hey! Let me go!” she complains, but there’s a smile in her voice as Gou leans his chin against her shoulder. She sighs and relaxes into the hug, letting her enjoy it more than she should.

After all, Gou is in love with Ash. He’s the one Gou is in love with, and Koharu never lets herself forget it.

But strangely, she finds that she’s been minding it less and less each day.

* * *

After that conversation with Gou, she stays the night at the laboratory. She wakes on the next day, a young Saturday morning, and does her hair in front of the mirror.

She’s begun doing it without her mother, and it feels strange but nice at the same time. Like taking charge of her life, starting from doing her hair. But she still slips on her school uniform like she always does, because it feels strange wearing anything else. 

She’s heading down the stairs to the dining table when she hears someone call her.

“Bari?”

Koharu turns to look at Mr. Mime, who is carrying a tray of sandwiches in one hand and a stack of glasses in the other. A rag is draped on its arm. 

She blinks at it, then says unsurely, “Good morning?”

Mr. Mime smiles at her with puffed cheeks before proceeding to usher her into a seat at the empty breakfast table and bring her breakfast. 

Koharu watches him idly, head leaning against her hand. 

If there’s another thing that makes the laboratory feel so much like home, it is Mr. Mime. Koharu wasn’t sure what to make of Ash’s mother’s Pokemon when it arrived with Ash and took charge of the housework in the laboratory, but now it’s a constant in Koharu’s visits to the laboratory—Koharu would sit down, and it would bring her a packet of strawberry milk and a sandwich and smile and nod as Koharu bites into the sandwich and expresses her delight.

Now, the two of them fall into the same rhythm as Koharu nibbles at the bread and Mr. Mime wipes the kitchen sink, humming a gentle tune. 

Soon, ten minutes tick by. Koharu’s sandwich is nothing but crumbs on her plate and sludge in her stomach, the dining space remains empty and quiet, and Mr. Mime is creasing its forehead in obvious concern, tilting its head confusedly.

“Bari. Bari-bari!” Mr. Mime comes up to Koharu and waves its arms as it mimes. Koharu watches its actions carefully and lets out a sigh.

“You want me to go get them? Fine…” she stands up and leaves the dining space. 

Yamper barking and bounding ahead of her, Koharu feels like a mother hen as she enters the Sakuragi Park with her hands on her hips, and she huffs when she sees Ash and Gou still in a corner with some Pokemon, doing who knows what.

It’s too early in the morning. And yet they’re already up to spend time with Pokemon. Koharu can’t fathom the idea of doing it herself, but she guesses that’s the difference between one who is obsessed with Pokemon, and one who isn’t.

“Gou! Ash!” She calls out in an annoyed tone to the two boys, who are squatting down with their backs turned to her. “You still haven’t had breakfast? Mr. Mime was worried about you…” 

She stifles a sigh when they don’t respond, Scorbunny’s cries ringing out in the garden. She’s beginning to have a headache with the racket they’re making so early in the morning. 

“What are you doing?” she asks in a dull voice, and Gou finally turns to look at her.

“Oh, well, you see…” he says in an equally dull voice, and Koharu raises her eyebrows at the scene before her—Scorbunny huffing over and over again, sweating all over, and the Darmanitan sniggering at its efforts.

She makes a disgusted expression, scrunching up her nose as she recoils. “Huh…? Why does Darmanitan look so smug?”

Gou’s eyebrows are creased in concern as he tells her about what happened, while Ash is over in a corner cheering Scorbunny on… rather aggressively. Pikachu is joining in like a cheerleader. 

“Hang in there, Scorbunny!” he shouts. “Try more like…” Eyes blazing, he takes in a deep breath and opens his mouth so wide, Koharu sees his uvula dangling in his throat. _“Graaaah!_ Open up wide, then launch the heat from your belly like _‘Ba-ba-ba-bang!’”_

Koharu makes a face as she walks up to Gou’s side, muttering, “What’s that mean?” 

Gou laughs sheepishly. “I’m pretty sure that’s how Ash tries to teach others… but…” He trails off, his smile vanishing as he watches Scorbunny try again and again to conjure up an Ember, and failing again and again.

“I don’t think there’s any need to try so hard, though,” he admits in a quiet voice, and Koharu turns to look at him sharply, surprised.

She isn’t sure if she agrees with him. This sounds like something the old Gou would say, not something the Gou who has spent so much time with Ash would say. Ash, who overflows with roaring passion and amazing empathy, who always clicks and becomes one with Pokemon—worlds different from how Gou used to be, simply focused on the technical facts of Pokemon.

Maybe she doesn’t know much about being a Pokemon Trainer, but it only seems natural to support Scorbunny and help it to train its Fire-type move, not discourage it from reaching its potential.

She bites the inside of her cheek as Gou talks to Scorbunny like how one would talk to a petulant child.

_You should stop. That’s enough. Stop, Scorbunny!_

_Your Quick Attack and Double Kick have gotten really strong. It doesn’t matter if you can’t use a Fire move._

_Well… you can’t do what you can’t do._

Koharu’s frown deepens at that last sentence. _You can’t do what you can’t do._

It looks like Gou still has a lot to learn. 

But Ash, despite the mirroring frown on his face, doesn’t voice his opinions, and so Koharu keeps quiet too. It’s not her place to tell Gou how to train his Pokemon, anyway, when she’s not even a Pokemon Trainer. She wonders if she ever will be. She wonders if she will ever like Pokemon again.

_The day will come when you decide for yourself what you want to do. But you’re still only ten. There’s no need to rush!_

Her mother’s voice tinkles in Koharu’s mind, and she exhales, shaking off her thoughts to follow the two boys to the breakfast table.

“Time for breakfast!” they chime in loudly, and Koharu resists the urge to roll her eyes at their cheerfulness. 

Drink packet in hand, she stands in a corner with Mr. Mime, who is stirring something invisible in an invisible bowl (again) and it leans over to fiddle with Koharu’s packet, as if to refill her drink. Koharu glances at it momentarily before turning to look at the two of them as Ash asks with his mouth full, “Gou, you’re heading into the city to catch Pokemon today, right?”

Gou nods. “Yeah.” 

Koharu frowns, curiosity piqued and getting the better of her. “Is catching Pokemon fun?” she asks Gou, and the both of them lift their heads to look at her. 

Gou looks at her with a slight frown, as if he can’t figure out why she’s asking this question, while Ash turns around, toast still hanging from his mouth, and says, “It’s super fun!”

Koharu squints at him dubiously, then turns away to sip at her drink—but Ash brightens, as if he’s thought of an excellent idea. He says, “You should come with us, Koharu!”

She rolls her eyes as she replies, “No thanks.”

Ash turns a pair of puppy-dog eyes onto her, and she cringes as he begs, “Come on!”

“I told you no!” she huffs, a little more flustered than she would've liked. Honestly, Ash is going to be the death of her.

“Why not? It’s fun,” mumbles Ash as he chews on his toast, but he doesn’t pursue the matter any further.

Gou gives her a look as the two of them leave the breakfast table to head out. Koharu stares after them and exhales, finishing the rest of her drink in silence.

* * *

_(Why not?_ Because despite everything that’s happened, despite how much she’s grown closer to Yamper, she’s still the same old Koharu who’s indifferent to Pokemon and doesn’t know what she wants in life. Just like how despite everything that’s happened, despite how much Gou has grown, he’s still the same old Gou who’s insensitive towards the deeper, more complicated emotions of people and Pokemon alike because of his hyperfixation on facts and figures.

But it doesn't change the fact that Gou has grown much, much more than she has. Because if life was a race, then Gou has already taken off from the starting line, leaving her alone in the dust, still lost and wandering.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	3. the letting go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the kudos <3 i hope you'll enjoy this chapter!   
> reminder that this updates every monday and thursday :)

**3**

_the letting go_

In the end, she decides to join the Pokémon Orienteering event as a guide—and she tags along Gou’s team.

Sōta and the girl—Marie—rush off excitedly, leaving the two of them alone, Raboot lingering in a corner. Koharu smiles after the two younger children, then turns to look at Gou when he speaks up.

“This kinda reminds me of Professor Oak’s Pokémon Camp,” he exclaims, a fondness in his voice. 

Koharu gives him a curious look, but he doesn't glance her way. Instead, he smirks with his eyes closed and sighs dramatically, like recalling some nostalgic memory from a distant past. (It wasn't distant.)

“Those childhood days sure were great!” he declares emphatically.

 _Were they?_ Koharu makes a face. 

The Pokémon Camp isn’t something she likes to remember. After all, it was the camp where they saw Mew, and Gou hasn’t been the same ever since. 

_She_ hasn’t been the same ever since.

But of _course_ Gou remembers it as a fond memory. He spent the entire camp showing off his knowledge of Pokémon. And it was when he saw Mew and set his mind to catch Mew. It was the origin of his dreams (obsession).

She’s glad he found another goal—which, although almost impossible, is way more reasonable than catching Mew as his first Pokémon. 

But now that he's grown, he's starting to talk as if he's an adult. _Tch._

“But you’re _still_ a kid, though?” she mutters back, sniping at him, and Gou turns on her, shaking his head vehemently.

“I’m a Pokémon Trainer!” he protests loudly, and Koharu blanches at his passionate reaction. “There are no ‘kids’ or adults’ among Trainers!” As he starts chattering about Pokémon, Koharu feels herself close up again. 

With a beam on his face and completely oblivious to her feelings, Gou continues in a proud voice, “Ash will gladly battle any grown-up opponents!”

That catches Koharu’s attention. “But I thought you weren’t interested in Pokémon battling?”

Gou smirks and holds his hands out again in a dramatic pose. “It’s just that I don’t fight _pointless_ battles. I’ll battle if I have to in order to catch Pokémon, yeah?”

Wow. _Wow._

She raises an eyebrow at his antics and closes her eyes, humming non-committedly. “Oh, is that so?” she says patronisingly, and proceeds to walk away from him. 

It seems like they _really_ can’t hold a proper conversation without them becoming disinterested or offended by the other’s words. 

* * *

Koharu is silent as she watches Gou chuck Pokeball after Pokeball at every Pokémon he sees in a frivolous and ridiculously excited manner. Both Sōta and Marie are absolutely awed at his catching spree, but Koharu is anything but impressed.

_It’s just throwing a couple of balls at random Pokémon and your success rate depends on your luck and whether the Pokémon wants to humour you. He treats it like it’s a video game. How disgraceful._

“All right!” he screams with his arms hugging his haul of Pokeballs, absolutely giddy, and Koharu rolls her eyes.

“You’re as innocent and excitable as you’ve ever been…” she mutters, shaking her head, and Raboot seems to share the same sentiment as it turns away from Gou as if he had the plague. Koharu can’t blame it—she feels the same.

Was she too naïve to think that Gou has grown?

She’s brought out of her thoughts when she feels something land on her shoulder, and she looks to her side to see the Pidgey Gou just caught perched on her shoulder—then looks down and gasps when she sees the two Nidoran nuzzling up against her legs.

Koharu blinks at them for a split second before she completely freaks out.

She cries out and tries to shake the Pokémon off of her, but they cling on like stubborn stains. Gou and Sōta and Marie watch her with curious stares, and Gou chuckles. She should've known he's the type to watch someone suffer and proceed to laugh at them.

“They like you,” he exclaims in an amused tone, and Sōta cries, “You’re so lucky, big sis!” Marie clasps her hands together with a sigh of agreement and stares at her longingly.

 _There is nothing lucky about this!_ Koharu huffs. She has never had a Pokémon other than Yamper nuzzle up to her like this. The Pidgey has literally made a nest in her hair, and the Nidoran are glued to her legs. It feels absolutely foreign, absolutely uncomfortable—and she wishes Yamper were by her side right now so that it can bark them away like it always does to Ash.

“Let go of me!” she cries, but they don’t listen. Of course.

In the distance, she hears Gou let out a sound like a dying Mightyena as a Farfetch'd catapults his Pokéball into his face with a loud smack, but she’s too occupied with trying to shake the Pokémon off. “Geez!” she yells into the peaceful morning.

Why did she agree to join this event again? Oh, right. For _growth._ So much for that.

* * *

They near Vermillion Harbour, strolling along the length of the bridge overseeing the ocean. Raboot walks silently beside her, one eye closed and paws tucked in the pockets of his ‘hoodie’, while Gou and his two fervent followers lead the way. 

A flock of Wingull soars over the expanse of the glittering sea, some ships moving steadily across the water, some ships docked at the side of the harbour, and Koharu is immediately reminded of her own predicament.

She glances down at the skirt of her uniform and suddenly feels very silly. She’s like a little girl playing dress-up, wearing her school uniform outside of school, and she hates it.

The two anchors weigh her down. They anchor her to her school. They anchor her to Vermillion City and this harbour. Just like the ships docked along the harbour, she’s unable to move on from her position in life right now. She’s stationary, unmoving, _stagnant—_ not only in her physical location, but also her goals and dreams in life. 

It only gets worse when she looks at Gou, so eagerly catching Pokémon after Pokémon, taking one step and another to reach his goal, so confidently stating his purpose and passion for Pokémon and catching. 

And Koharu? She’s still anchored to this directionless daily routine of hers, only able to watch as Gou drifts further and further away from her, like a ship following the current of his dreams and sailing towards his goal.

“The future lies in my hands!” she hears Gou exclaim vehemently, and her mood plummets even more.

“There you go, talking big again…” she mutters as she turns to face Gou. But they’re soon distracted by the Farfetch’d, who seems to have a personal vendetta against Gou capturing it. 

As Sōta and Marie fret over Gou like worried parents, Koharu presses her lips and looks away, to the never-ending stretch of sea before her. 

The horizon—the line where the sky meets the sea—twinkles cheekily, as if it’s winking at her, and she stares back at it, biting her lip.

_The future lies in my hands, huh?_

She doesn’t know if it does for her, and that’s the scariest part. 

* * *

The funniest part is that Koharu _really_ thought she was going to fight a Raid Battle.

But her initial shock fades into fear, then curdles into boiling, helpless rage as she sees Yamper being taken away in that metal cage, getting further and further from her with every passing second.

And she can’t do anything about it, because she is anchored.

Then—she gasps, as she whips her head to the horizon, just in time to see that same twinkle, that same wink of light, before a gigantic blast of water shoots across the ocean and decapitates the Lugia balloon in a blink of the eye.

Her eyes widen as she raises her head to see the majestic Legendary Pokémon sweep over their heads in a rush of sea salt and wind, and she thinks, _You…_

_You…_

* * *

Ash and Gou working together and working _with_ their Pokémon to bring Team Rocket’s Pokémon down is like nothing Koharu has ever seen before.

Like a pair of well-oiled cogs, they work perfectly together in tandem to create the perfect result, and Koharu is left gaping after Team Rocket as they blast off into the sky, while Yamper jumps around, barking excitedly at the scene.

Koharu hand flies to her chest, and she feels her heart pounding against her ribs and hears it hammering in her ears, blood roaring.

 _This feeling…_

She’s not sure what it means, or what it even is, but she thinks… she thinks she’s seen something amazing about Pokémon today. Something she’s never thought about before.

Koharu breathes in deeply, and lets the smell of salt permeate her lungs.

* * *

“Well, you’d better hurry up and turn ten…” Ash tells the two pairs of excited children.

The sun is setting, drowning the whole sky in orange and golden hues and bringing the sea along with it, and Koharu stands at one side, finding herself unable to draw her eyes away from the scene.

 _Ash and Gou’s influence is amazing,_ she thinks to herself. _And… I can’t help but be a little influenced myself, too._

She lets herself admit it to herself, and the thought winds around her mind and stays there, like the strange feeling in her beating heart.

“Dream big and don’t give up, everyone!” her father tells them with a smile, and Koharu’s breath catches in her throat.

_Dream big, huh?_

Koharu soaks in the sounds of everyone’s laughter and the golden light of the evening, and savours the feeling of Yamper in her arms and the glimmering sea lying before her. 

The horizon winks at her again, and she tilts her head.

She feels the idea of a smile pull at her lips when Gou (finally) captures the Farfetch’d and leaps into the air with an exuberant cry. 

There’s just something about the look of sheer happiness on his face that lifts the anchors that pin her down, just a little.

* * *

Over the accompanying days, Koharu finds herself leaning more into Pokémon.

“Don’t bark at it, Yamper!” she chides the puppy after it yaps at the egg on the table in the lounge. “You’ll scare it.” She picks it up from the floor and stands up, eyes never leaving the egg.

She’s fascinated, all right—more than she’ll ever admit—she’s never seen a Pokémon egg before, and was never interested to learn more about it, but now, seeing it in the flesh, sends an excited thrill buzzing through her.

There’s just something so mysterious about Pokémon eggs—knowing that a _life_ lies inside those thin walls, waiting to be birthed, and yet not knowing _what_ it’s going to be. Something so mysterious, and something so _precious_ about the egg, she finds herself holding her breath as she stares at it.

“Being entrusted with an egg means being entrusted with a Pokémon’s life,” Kikuna pipes in, echoing Koharu’s thoughts. She crosses her arms as she smiles at Ash. “Quite the heavy responsibility, Ash.”

Koharu turns to glance at Ash. She can’t really imagine someone as reckless and hyperactive as Ash taking care of an egg without breaking it, but as usual, she’s not really in a position to protest.

Instead, she asks her father, “Dad, can you tell what Pokémon is inside this egg?” 

She sees her father’s eyes widen just the slightest at her question, like he’s surprised Koharu’s taking an interest in a Pokémon-related topic, but he doesn’t say anything about that as he answers her question.

“There’s no way to know before it hatches,” he says with a sad smile, and Koharu pouts a little, turning her attention back to the completely immobile egg. Gou said it had moved, back at the Pokémon Centre, at Ash’s presence, but now, it lies obstinately still.

“When will it hatch?” Gou asks excitedly.

“Professor Elm’s thesis said that in order for a Pokémon to hatch from the egg, it needs to spend a certain amount of time with healthy Pokémon,” explains Kikuna. 

They turn to the screen as images of Trainers carrying Eggs along with them appear, and Renji continues, “So a lot of Trainers carry the egg around with them until it hatches.”

Ash’s eyes brighten, and he leans down to tell the egg, “All right! Let’s go on a stroll! You, me, and Pikachu! It’ll be fun!” Pikachu voices its agreement with a "pika!"

Gou chuckles as he slouches and mutters, “I don’t think the egg can hear you…” But Koharu’s father smiles at him.

“Don’t be so sure,” he tells Gou in an amused tone, and Koharu lets out a soft questioning sound. 

He raises a finger. “Here’s an example: there was once a Jigglypuff who loved to sing. It would sing to an egg every day. One day, an Azurill hatched from the egg. It sang the same song that Jigglypuff had been singing to it all the time!”

Koharu gapes at him. “Does that mean it learned the song by listening to it from inside the egg?” she asks him, and Gou squawks.

In a frantic scramble, he plops down to tell the egg nervously, “I-I’m Gou! Ash’s friend! Sorry I said you couldn’t hear us!” 

Koharu squashes the temptation to roll her eyes at him. As much as Gou has grown, there are just some things about him that never change.

* * *

(Shortly after, she follows Ash and Gou into the Sakuragi Park with the egg. She doesn't know why she does it, but she does it all the same, and somehow, it feels right. 

Maybe it’s the egg in Ash's hands. Maybe it’s how everyone seems gentler, softer, as they fuss over the egg like worried parents. But Koharu finds herself smiling.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case it wasn't clear, back at the harbour scene where koharu looks out at the horizon and sees the light twinkling at her, it was actually lugia/mew winking at her, and she realises that when lugia appears and that same twinkle of light appears. 
> 
> this chapter isn't my best-written one, but i had so much fun writing it because i had to rewatch episode 20 and lmao i just realised how hilarious gou and koharu were (especially gou). god i miss them hiatus pls end soon  
> and next chapter, as i said, is when we diverge from canon, yay! 
> 
> are y'all ready for some Koharu Development™ because i sure am. 
> 
> see you next monday!


	4. the beginning of the growing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the kudos! 
> 
> this chapter is probably my favourite chapter to write, so i hope you enjoy <3

**4**

_the beginning of the growing_

The Riolu is curled up in Yamper’s old bed. 

Koharu watches its little body move up and down like a balloon that can’t get enough air, its ears pressed down against its head and eyes closed. Sleeping, it looks less like the ferocious, full-of-fight baby Pokémon training in the morning, and more like a harmless and adorable puppy. 

As Koharu crouches beside it on the dormitory floor to stare at it, she hears someone approach and turns her head to see Ash grinning at her in the doorway. 

“Thanks for bringing Riolu a bed, Koharu!”

She stifles the infectious smile that crawls up her mouth, instead shrugging and replying in a cool voice, “It’s no problem. Yamper has no use for it anymore, so I thought you might as well take it.”

“Oh, because Yamper sleeps on your bed now, right?” Ash asks excitedly, and Koharu flinches, feeling herself flush.

“Well, yes, but—” she starts to defend herself, but Ash cuts her off with shining eyes.

“That’s awesome, Koharu!”

She lets out a small, nervous chuckle. “It’s nothing  _ ‘awesome’.” _

“But thank you, Koharu.” Koharu turns to look at Ash at his serious tone. He’s come up to Koharu’s side, and he’s kneeling down to pet Riolu. Riolu sighs in its sleep at the gentle touch and turns over with a contented sound.

“You don’t show it much, but I can tell you really care for Riolu,” he tells her. “You just show it in a different way. Like Gou said, we all interact with Pokémon in different ways. And I think that’s neat!”

Koharu tilts her head. “Huh, is that so?” She’s surprised he can tell she cares about Pokémon more than she lets on, but then again, Ash Ketchum is more perceptive than he lets on, too.

Ash nods, smiling faintly like he can see right through her. And maybe he can.

“You should come with us to Galar next time,” he says as he’s about to leave. He turns his head around to smile at her again, and their eyes meet, brown against green. “During your break. It’ll be fun!”

She scoffs. “Why would I do that?”

“It doesn’t have to be about Pokémon.”

Koharu looks up. 

“An old friend of mine who travelled the Hoenn region with me initially didn’t have any interest in Pokémon, even though her father was a Gym Leader. She just wanted to travel the world. And so she did.” Ash has a wistful smile on his face, as if remembering a distant memory. 

“…I see,” Koharu finally says, which seems to bring him out of his reverie.

“Anyway, just join us! We won’t leave until you come along!”

Koharu scoffs again. “Well, then you’ll be staying here forever.”

Ash just gives her one of his secretive smiles, and walks away, leaving Koharu staring down at a sleeping Riolu and Yamper, oddly silent for once.

* * *

She ends up going to Galar.

Wedgehurst is a quaint little town, where the wind seems to hush and swirl around her legs, blowing up little puffs of dust along worn brick-and-mortar paths. The echo of a passing train rushes through her ears, and she feels the entire ground tremble along with the town’s humble buildings.

She grips the handles of her backpack tighter. She’s still wearing her school uniform, and it’s garnering a lot of strange looks from the passing villagers. (Or maybe  _ they’re _ garnering a lot of strange looks, because Ash and Gou are the rowdiest pair of boys she’s ever seen, and are currently squabbling about where the Pokémon Research Lab is.)

“Honestly,” she huffs to herself, walking away from the two of them and towards the direction of the Pokémon Research Lab. “Why did I agree to come along, now?”

She stands in front of the entrance of the laboratory, staring up at it with her heart in her throat. The Research Lab is nothing like the Sakuragi Institute back home—this lab is faded with age, trails of fern and ivy overgrown along the walls and roofs. Like the rest of Wedgehurst, it is small and humble, built up with mahogany and brick, with a tiny greenhouse attached to its side. Her father’s glass-and-steel towers suddenly feel too lavish, too outlandish.

“Wanpa! Wanpa!” Yamper’s suddenly yapping at someone who has approached from behind, and Koharu’s prepared to brush it off as Ash and Gou, when she turns around and sees it is anyone but.

An orange-haired lady smiles at her through black-rimmed, red-tinted glasses, her brilliant turquoise eyes sparkling in the morning sun of Wedgehurst. In a buttoned cashmere coat worn over a top that matches her eyes, skinny jeans and stylish boots that reminded Koharu of her own, she might be the prettiest person Koharu has ever seen.

Koharu blinks at her.

“Hey there,” the woman says cheerily. “You a new Trainer? If so, you’ve come to the right place!”

She nods at the Pokémon Research Lab. “This is Professor Magnolia’s laboratory. I’m Sonia. I’m the professor’s assistant. The professor’s inside. Come on in!”

“Uh—actually, I…” Sonia turns to give her a curious look, and Koharu shakes her head. “I’m not here for my Trainer debut.”

“Wanpa! Wanpa!” Yamper barks again, and Sonia’s gaze flickers down to the puppy growling at her, and her eyes light up.

“Oh, you have a Yamper! How delightful. I have one, too,” she gushes, bending down to pet Yamper, but it doesn’t let its guard down, continuing to growl at Sonia. She smiles sheepishly down at it, then stands up to shoot Koharu an apologetic look. “Sorry I thought you were a new Trainer. What might you be here for, in that case?”

“Koharu!” Ash’s voice yells from behind them, and the both of them turn to see Ash and Gou rushing up the path to the laboratory in a mess of limbs.

Sonia tilts her head. “Ah, are these your friends?”

Koharu sighs. “I wouldn’t exactly call them that, but yes, they’re with me.” At her words, Ash pouts.

“How cold, Koharu. I thought we were friends!” 

She rolls her eyes, as Gou comes up to Sonia and introduces the three of them.

“We’re  _ research fellows  _ from the Sakuragi Institute in Vermillion City, Kanto!” he says the phrase emphatically with his irritating flair of drama—then withers at once when Sonia laughs at his antics. Koharu stifles a snort as he stutters, “Ah, Professor Sakuragi sent us here to gather and exchange information about the Legendary Pokémon of Galar…?”

“Ah, yes,” says Sonia with a knowing smile. “Gran said we were expecting you.” She winks at them. “Well, welcome, and come on in!”

They file into the Research Laboratory. Professor Magnolia is the antithesis of Professor Sakuragi, with the gentleness and grumpiness of a shrewd, kind old lady and her specialised knowledge on the Galar region’s Wishing Stars and the Dynamax and Gigantamax phenomena. She also knows all the different types of tea like the back of her wrinkled hand. Extremely no-nonsense, she pours the three of them each a cup of Roserade Tea as she schools the two boys into sensibleness and sensibility. Sonia sits at the other end of the table, teal eyes sparkling in amusement behind her lifted tea cup.

“Now,” she says sternly, shooting an eager Gou a silencing look as she reaches for her walking cane and adjusts her reading glasses. “There will be plenty of time to ask your questions. All I ask of you now is to listen attentively to what I have to tell you about the knowledge you seek.”

* * *

After all is said and done—the light streaming through the laboratory turning from buttery to vivid orange before fading into darkness—the three of them stay the night in Professor Magnolia’s cottage, in a dingy guest room together. It isn’t long before Ash and Gou drift into deep slumber, their breathing slowing and evening, their partner Pokémon and Yamper following suit.

But Koharu can’t sleep.

She sits up on her bed and turns her head to stare at the faint ribbon of shimmering moonlight that filters in from the half-ajar window. She heaves a deep sigh, and careful not to wake Yamper up, she climbs out of bed and tip-toes downstairs to pour herself a cup of water.

She freezes on the steps when a figure in the kitchen hears her, and turns around to stare at her with turquoise eyes that seemed to shine even in the darkness of the house.

“Ah—uh…” Koharu fumbles, but Sonia’s face melts into a warm smile and beckons her closer.

“Koharu, is it? Can’t sleep?” she asks dryly as she steps aside to let Koharu gulp down a mouthful of water.

Koharu nods wordlessly, and Sonia gives her a concerned look.

“Jet-lag getting to you?” she questions, and Koharu bites her lip before shaking her head.

“Maybe, but…” she stares forlornly into empty space. All too patient, Sonia waits for her to continue.

Koharu lets out a long-drawn sigh that seems too loud in the hush of the night. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing here,” she admits in a hushed voice, and her confession seems to echo around the too-close walls of the house, before being swallowed up by roaring silence.

Even in the dark, Koharu knows Sonia’s studying her face. She does it for a couple of long seconds before she tells her, “Let’s not talk here.”

Outside—in the open plains, the stillness of the night and the blanket of stars stretching above their heads—the salty smell of the sea is nowhere to be found, and Koharu finds herself missing home.

_ What is wrong with me? _ she wonders, and blinks back her tears rapidly.

“I think I know what you mean,” says Sonia suddenly, and Koharu lifts her head to look at her. 

They are sitting side-by-side on the ledge of the brick fence outside, and Sonia’s swinging her legs like a child would as she stares up at the sky with Koharu. 

“Back at the Lab, Ash and Gou were the ones who eagerly participated in the discussion, asking a lot of questions… and on the other hand, while you  _ were _ interested, you couldn’t really catch up to their train of thought, could you? You seemed more unfamiliar with certain jargon, but you didn’t want to ask questions because everyone was already way ahead of you and completely comfortable with their pace.”

Koharu looks down at her feet. 

“It’s my first time joining Ash and Gou,” she confesses. “Because prior to this, I wasn’t interested in Pokémon at all.” She bites her lip. “But I think I’ve started to like them more and more, slowly but steadily. So… I thought joining them would be good, since those two idiots are obsessed with Pokémon and always going on journeys. To learn more about Pokémon, and what I want, and if what I want is really about Pokémon.”

Sonia remains quiet, so to fill the silence, Koharu blurts out, “Actually, I’m the Professor’s daughter, kinda like you. And like you, both of us have a Yamper. But…” Her bottom lip trembles, and she says, “But I’m  _ not _ like you at all, because you’re the professor’s assistant and you actually like Pokémon and Researching—but me? I don’t even  _ know _ if I like Pokémon all that much… but now that I think I’m starting to like Pokémon more, I feel as though I can’t ever catch up because I’m surrounded by all these passionate people with tons of Pokémon knowledge and experience and I’m left behind, stumbling and lost and—and I don’t know.”

She lifts her head to the sky. “Maybe I should just give up,” she admits. “Go back to attending school daily—and that’s it. Living a life without Pokémon, like I always have.”  _ Even though that’s not really what I want anymore. _

She feels Sonia’s hand on her shoulder, warm and gentle, and then she hears her voice. “Sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot,” says Sonia quietly, still patting her shoulder. “And you’re still trying to find yourself. Not who you  _ are, _ but who you want to be.” Then she shakes her head. “Can I make a confession, too?”

Koharu looks at her questioningly, and Sonia sighs, a small smile on her face as she admits, “I’m not even Gran’s official assistant, either.” She chuckles softly. “I’ve just been calling myself one... Somehow, it makes me feel a little restless. 

“And everyday, new Trainers come and pass, stars in their eyes and their futures bright, and Gran always gives me an earful each time, saying, _ Those two young Trainers are setting out on a journey, but what are you doing with your life?  _ And today, with Ash and Gou, she said the same thing again. Kinda like your situation, huh?” Sonia’s voice is sad, and the moonlight illuminates the wistfulness on her face as she twirls a strand of orange hair around her finger restlessly. 

_ “But,  _ that doesn’t mean you should give it up, Koharu. I think your growing interest is something important, something big, so you shouldn’t let it go. I say that for myself, too. There’ve been many times when I just feel like giving up on Pokémon Research to live a peaceful suburban life, but I know the passion I feel for Pokémon, however big or small, is not something to be given up upon. And I just keep thinking,  _ If I discover something really huge, then maybe even Gran’ll admit I’ve got some talent!  _ It may be just a small shred of hope, and the journey ahead will be tough, but I force myself to persevere.” 

Her eyes meet Koharu’s, and she stops twirling her hair suddenly. “Maybe it’s the same for you, Koharu.”

At her words, Koharu feels her anchors lift, just a little. 

“You think?” she asks, a little breathlessly, and Sonia just flashes her one of her radiant, bright-eyed smiles, one that shines even brighter than the stars in the night sky.

“I  _ know.”  _

She leans forward and tilts her head at Koharu. “So, tell me more about how you started getting interested in Pokémon.”

And Koharu tells her everything. Everything, from the beginning to the end, and the letting go. And in the waning night sky and the comfortable chatter of conversation, she feels lighter than she’s ever been.

* * *

(And later tomorrow, back in the Sakuragi Institute, before Koharu leaves for school like nothing has changed, Ash frantically asks her not to give up on Pokémon, not to stop going on journeys with them because he says she looks so happy when she’s caring for the Pokémon in the Sakuragi Park—and Koharu can’t help but be reminded of a younger version of her father pleading with her mother not to give up on becoming a comic artist because he said she looked so happy drawing—and Koharu can’t help but start to fall, a little, for the boy with fire and stars in his eyes, because history is cruel in the way it never fails to repeat itself.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah anyway like i said above, this is my favourite chapter because of sonia.  
> i've always wanted to write about koharu and sonia because they share a few similarities. they are both the professor's daughter/granddaughter, and both of them have a yamper. but while sonia aims to take over professor magnolia, koharu wants nothing of the sort.  
> anyway, i'm tired and unwell because periods,, so i'll see you on thursday!


	5. the growing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A change in rituals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for your comments and kudos! i really enjoyed and appreciated reading them <3
> 
> without further ado, here's today's chapter--hope you enjoy!

**5**

_the growing_

_Your interest may lie in Pokémon Breeding._

That’s what Sonia said to Koharu that fateful night in Wedgehurst, when everything in Koharu’s world shifted gears. 

Now, she sits in front of her father, looking down at her fidgeting hands as he shuffles through piles of research papers absentmindedly, processing Koharu’s words silently.

Finally, he looks up with an unreadable expression. Koharu tries not to gulp. 

“You said you want to become my laboratory assistant to help me with my research, and also learn more about the practice of Pokémon Breeding?”

Koharu nods. “Yes.”

He tilts his head at her and gives her an evaluative expression. “Why the sudden interest?” he asks. His voice is gentle, but it feels all too much like an interrogation.

“It’s not that sudden,” corrects Koharu, and the words come out in a rush, a flurry of petals. “I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while now. But I started really being interested during the Pokémon Orienteering event. And—when I went to Galar’s Pokémon Research Lab, I realised I want to learn more about Pokémon. And Sonia—Professor Magnolia’s assistant and granddaughter—suggested I could be interested in Pokémon Breeding. Since—since I was interested in caring for the egg back then, and I also enjoy watching and taking care of the Pokémon in Sakuragi Park.”

Professor Sakuragi smiles through her entire answer, and continues smiling as he says cryptically, “I see.”

“...Is that fine?” Koharu breathes, and he shakes his head to quell her doubts.

“Of course it’s fine. It’s just—” His voice breaks, and suddenly there are tears in his eyes that shock her into silence. 

“You’re starting to grow up, and I… I’m happy about it,” he admits after a second.

Koharu gives him a small smile and blinks back her own tears. 

“Thank you, Dad. So, you’ll let me help you with your research?”

Professor Sakuragi nods as he removes his glasses and dabs at his eyes with a handkerchief. He puts a hand on Koharu’s shoulder. “Of course. I’m proud of you, Koharu.”

Koharu thinks that maybe she is, too.

* * *

One day, Koharu wakes up to a small package floating outside her window. When she opens the window, the Rotom drone confirms her identity and tells her the package is from the Pokémon Research Laboratory in the Galar Region.

The shipping box only contains a single Pokéball and a card, and Koharu wonders why the sender didn’t just send the Pokéball over to the laboratory with teleportation technology.

When Koharu opens the card, the beautiful cursive scrawl reads, _A little gift for you. I thought you would like it—you reminded me of it. Love, Sonia._

She puts down the card carefully, then picks up the Pokéball. It feels heavy in her hand, heavier than she thought a Pokéball would be, and that weight sends Butterfree fluttering in her stomach.

There has to be a Pokémon stored in the Pokéball, Koharu deduces as she rolls the Pokéball around in her palm nervously—Sonia wouldn’t send over an empty Pokéball. She just wonders _what_ Pokémon it is.

Feeling ridiculously overwhelmed by the simple notion of calling out the Pokémon, she changes out of her pajamas, styles her hair, and dashes downstairs. “Dad!” she calls, and skids to a stop in her tracks when she reaches the lounge and everyone—her father, Kikuna, Renji, Gou, Raboot, Ash, and Pikachu—turns to stare at her. They must’ve been deep in discussion about something.

She fights down her blush as Ash grins and waves at her like nothing has happened. “Good morning, Koharu!”

“Oh, Koharu!” greets Gou, playing along with a coy smile. “Fancy having you here with us today.”

“What is it, Koharu?” asks her father as she struggles to catch her breath. Then his gaze lands on the Pokéball in her hand, and he adjusts his glasses as he peers at it. “Oh, what do we have there?”

That catches Gou’s attention immediately. “A Pokéball?” he screeches, shooting up from his seat. She doesn’t even flinch. “Koharu, did you take that from my precious Pokéball stash?”

Koharu rolls her eyes and scoffs as she makes her way down the rest of the stairs and sits down on the sofa next to him. “Of course not.” She looks down at the Pokéball. “I got this from Sonia.”

 _“Sonia?_ Professor Magnolia’s granddaughter?” When Koharu nods, Gou’s jaw drops. “She gave you a Pokémon? No _way. No fair!”_ Koharu smirks at his expression.

Ash’s eyes are sparkling. “Oh, show us, Koharu!” he begs.

Koharu frowns at the Pokeball in her hand. It looks deceptively innocent as it lies pliant in the palm of her hand, waiting for her command. 

Technically speaking, this would be her first Pokémon, since Yamper really belongs to her father, shared among the whole family. The old Koharu wouldn’t have given any of this a second thought—she would’ve turned up her nose and handed it over to her father to study and take care of. But now… the current Koharu isn’t so sure.

A strange tingle of excitement courses through her veins like an electric current.

 _Her first Pokémon._ Just like how Gou has Raboot and Ash has Pikachu, Koharu would truly become a Trainer once she opens this Pokéball.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” prods Gou.

Koharu takes a deep breath, and pushes the round button with her finger—and like magic, the Pokéball springs open into two halves, and a shower of white, glittering light bursts from the seams, almost blinding her.

The white light morphs to form a distinct silhouette of a Pokémon, and then disperses into the air with a flurry of sparkles—and when Koharu brings away her hand from her eyes, she gasps at the sight before her. 

It’s a Pokémon she’s never seen before—and judging by the awed looks of everyone else, it’s not a Pokémon _they’ve_ seen before too. 

From a crown of yellow windflower and a curtain of crimson flares, the Pokémon peeks at Koharu shyly with deep brown eyes that sparkle gold in the light. It wears a dress of pale green that tapers into a tip on which it balances perfectly on the table, letting out a melodious cry and dispersing its pollen.

Koharu sneezes, and the Pokémon floats away from her, spiralling into the air. She stares after it.

“It’s a flower,” she says, dumbfounded.

“No, it’s not a _flower,_ Koharu!” corrects Gou hotly. “It’s obviously a _Pokémon!”_ As if to prove his point, he whips out his Rotom Phone and points it at the floating flower, bringing it into focus. His Pokedex chimes in recognition.

“Gossifleur, the Flowering Pokémon!” introduces the Rotom cheerily. “Gossifleur anchors itself in the ground with its single leg, then basks in the sun. After absorbing enough sunlight, its petals spread as it blooms brilliantly!”

 _It anchors itself, huh?_ Koharu stares at Gossifleur, who has recovered from its shock and returned to the table. It returns Koharu’s gaze with an equally intense one, and Koharu relaxes into a small smile. _Looks like that’s one thing we have in common._

She waves at it tentatively. (She’s so glad Yamper isn’t here now, or it would’ve barked and barked at Gossifleur until it’s all scared away.) “Hi, Gossifleur. I’m Koharu. Nice to meet you.” She feels stupid introducing herself to a Pokémon as she would to a person, but she sees Ash and Gou do it all the time, and it seems to work for the most part. She supposes there’s a first time for everything.

Gossifleur stares at her curiously, inching closer to her as it tilts its head. “Gossi!” it says, then floats to Koharu’s side, darting around her as if trying to find something. Then its eyes light up when it sees the hairband around Koharu’s hair, and hovers around it excitedly, latching onto Koharu’s braid and snuggling against her _sakura_ hairband. “Fleur!”

“H-hey!” Koharu says nervously as she turns her head slightly to see Gossifleur nestling in her hair with a content expression on its face. 

“Ahahaha!” Ash suddenly cracks up, and everyone turns to stare at him. He holds his side, shaking from laughter as he points at Koharu’s hair. “It likes your flower hair-thing, Koharu!”

“They’re called cherry blossoms, and it’s called a hairband,” corrects Koharu, rolling her eyes even as she feels herself flush.

Gou scratches his chin thoughtfully as he cocks his head at Gossifleur and Koharu. “Now that I think of it, Koharu kinda looks like Gossifleur. Both of you have a flower on your head!”

“H-huh?” 

“Both of you have red hair, too! You’re the same!” Gou declares dramatically, and Koharu feels like dying, right here and right now as he proceeds to burst into laughter and join Ash on the floor.

“Gou…” she mutters, even as Gossifleur buries itself deeper into her hair with a little sigh, and she feels herself melt at the sound.

Her father sighs, shaking his head with a smile at his research fellows, then tells Koharu, “Don’t mind these two.”

Kikuna beams down at Koharu and takes both her hands into hers. “Koharu _-chan,_ you finally have a Pokémon of your own. How does it feel?” 

Koharu stares blankly back at her. _How does it feel?_

At Kikuna’s words, Gossifleur suddenly drifts down from her hair and lands into Koharu’s open hands, smiling up at her. 

“Gossifleur!” it says, and strangely, Koharu hears a tone of urgency in its voice as it stares at Koharu with pleading, yearning eyes that bear an uncanny resemblance to Yamper’s puppy-dog eyes.

“Oh?” Renji says. “I think Gossifleur’s trying to say something.”

“It’s saying it wants to be with you, Koharu!” Ash calls as he lifts himself up from the floor. “It wants you to be its Trainer!”

“Again, how can _you_ tell?” asks Gou, exasperated, but Koharu ignores their friendly bickering as she turns to Gossifleur, feeling strangely solemn as she asks the Pokémon, “Is that true, Gossifleur? You want to come with me?”

“Gossifleur!” it replies with a vehement nod, and twirls, letting out a fine spray of pollen. It smells like flowers, like spring, like _life,_ and a strange warmth spreads through Koharu, almost like being wrapped in swathes of golden sunlight.

“All right, then,” Koharu tells Gossifleur, voice quivering slightly as she hugs her new partner Pokémon to her chest tightly.

After they pull away, Gossifleur flits over to tuck itself into her hair, next to her cherry blossom hairband, two twin flowers in her hair: one old, one new. 

“From now on, we’ll be together,” she tells Gossifleur, and it feels like a promise.

Together, they will anchor themselves in the ground. Together, they will bask in the sunlight and absorb its warmth and life. And together, they will grow, and blossom brilliantly—before they lift their anchors and let the wind whirl them away to their future. 

* * *

Pokémon Research is hard, Koharu realises right from the start of her time as her father’s laboratory assistant, but she already knew that.

There’s so much she doesn’t know about Pokémon—even the basics like type advantages and disadvantages. And a Pokémon Researcher’s work goes way deeper than _knowing_ the basics—their work goes into understanding _why_ Pokémon are the way they are.

Koharu has a lot to learn, but she’s not backing down.

With guidance from Kikuna and Renji, she manages to complete her daily tasks of readings and laboratory tests, and master the basics of Pokémon types and moves with help from Ash, whose rich and hard-earned experience in Pokémon battling comes in handy. But Gou teaches her more things than anybody else, with his amassed knowledge that came with years of studying and analysing the technical aspects of Pokémon.

More than ever, Koharu sees the glaring difference between Ash and Gou—and yet, they manage to work so well together—an unstoppable duo with undeniable and overflowing chemistry. And more than ever, she wonders if she should really join the two of them on their journeys—it would feel more like an intrusion than anything. (She is the ~~third wheel~~ intruder.) 

(Not to mention how every time she sidles up a little closer to Ash and chats with him and laughs at his antics, Gou’s eyes would narrow into slits and shoot daggers at Koharu—and he would cross his arms against his chest and turn away with a huff— and then, almost like clockwork, Ash would turn to Gou in concern, asking him, _What’s wrong, Gou?—_ and then they would hold each other in their arms and caress each other in an absolutely disgusting manner. The best part is they don’t even seem to notice.)

But she joins them anyway, because Koharu has never been one to check herself to make others more comfortable, and because she’s doing it for herself and her own ambitions. 

(And maybe also because being around Ash Ketchum is irresistible, with his big dumb bright eyes and big dumb bright smile, and Koharu’s starting to see why Gou fell in love with him.) 

* * *

Every day, Koharu comes to the laboratory after school and changes out of her school uniform, into a blouse and jeans, with a pale pink lab coat like Kikuna’s, because her family name is _Sakuragi,_ _cherry blossom tree,_ and every day, she feels more and more like a Sakuragi, and less and less like a normal schoolgirl going to a normal school.

She learns about everything under the sun and realises the shadow she casts under it leans more to the side of Pokémon Breeding. So, one day, her father invites Professor Elm over to the laboratory to share with Koharu his findings on Pokémon Eggs and the origin of life—and on another day, Ash surprises her by inviting one of his old friends, Brock, to guide Koharu through the practical aspects of Breeding, like making Pokémon food unique to a Pokémon’s tastes. Brock is a former aspiring Pokémon Breeder, Koharu realises, but he’s very good at what he does—and _very_ dedicated. Under his arm, she learns Pokémon nutrition and biology, and as Brock is a skilled cook and baker, too, she learns to whip up an impressive palette of Pokémon treats and desserts for the Pokémon in the Sakuragi Park.

 _“Poffins!”_ cries Ash when he saunters into the lounge one day with Gou, only to see a plate of the pink treats on the table along with Pokémon food pellets and Poképuffs. Gossifleur is feeding on its own tray of food, carefully tuned to the Flowering Pokémon’s select tastes and nutrition needs. “And _Poképuffs!_ Man, it’s been so long since I saw those.”

Gou eyes the food warily as the both of them plop down on the opposite sofa. “It’s for Pokémon, right?”

Koharu nods. “Humans don’t usually eat them,” she replies, but she’s spoken a beat too late—Ash’s already slipping a Poképuff into his mouth and chewing thoughtfully.

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t blame me if it goes down wrong.” But Ash shrugs.

“Last time I ate one, I breathed out fire, so this is pretty okay,” he says with a mouthful of Poképuff.

Gou gapes at him. _“Ash!”_ he says the name emphatically, like he can’t believe him.

Ash only smirks at him in response. “Hey, they’re actually not that bad.” Then his eyes light up, like he’s just thought of a brilliant idea. Koharu shudders, because any ‘brilliant ideas’ Ash Ketchum thinks up are more often than not questionable, and sometimes catastrophic. 

“You should try some yourself!” he tells Gou, and winks at him.

At that, Gou huffs, hands planted on his hips defensively as he declares, “Absolutely _not—”_

He’s cut off unceremoniously by Ash lunging forward and stuffing a Poképuff into his mouth. “Ngrrhhh!” He protests with muffled shouts, trying to shake Ash off, but Ash only chuckles.

“Hahaha, Gou, just try it!” he urges the other boy, and Koharu realises, wryly, that Ash has started to lean into Gou, and his fingers are pressed against Gou’s lips as he tries to force-feed the Poképuff to him. Gou realises their proximity, too, because his eyes widen, his face flushing beet red as he wrenches Ash’s hand away and swallows the Poképuff in one gigantic gulp, scooting a good distance away from the other boy. 

Ash watches him eat the Poképuff with a curious, confused expression. Then he turns to Koharu and whispers almost conspiratorially, “Hey, Koharu. Gou’s face is really red. You think I gave him one of the spicy Poképuffs?”

It takes everything in Koharu not to laugh as she feigns her usual cold indifference and huffs. “This is why I said that humans don’t usually eat them. Spice Poképuffs are popular among Fire-type Pokémon.”

Ash makes a small sound of understanding as he continues studying a red-faced, coughing Gou. Then he frowns. “But Gou’s not breathing any fire, is he?”

“These are a test batch, so I didn’t put the usual amount of spice,” says Koharu dryly, lying through her teeth. _Oh, Gou, you really need to thank me later._ “If you give one to a fire-type like Raboot, they wouldn’t find it spicy at all.”

To prove her point, she hands a Poképuff to Raboot silently, who has been lurking in a corner with a disdainful stare directed at its Trainer. It looks down at the Poképuff in its paw, brings it up to sniff it, then tosses the entire thing into its mouth, munching slowly.

Ash and Gou watch it intently. Raboot finishes chewing without any change in expression, opens one eye to give Koharu a look, then strolls away on its padded feet, paws buried in its hoodie again.

“Beh,” it says, almost bemusedly, and Pikachu cocks its head at it. But this strange interaction is lost on Ash and Gou, and Ash says brightly, “You were right, Koharu! Fire-types really don’t find them spicy!” 

Then, as if remembering something, he turns to Gou, leaning in to study Gou’s face intensely. Gou flushes red again, and he swallows as Ash tilts his head and frowns and says, “Are you better now, Gou? Your face is still a little red…”

Gou squawks and buries his face into his hands, shouting, “I-I’m fine now! Don’t worry!”

Ash stares at him for a second longer, then smiles and shrugs. “If ya say so.” Then he snaps his fingers. “Hey, I know! Let’s go out to the city and catch some Pokémon! That oughta make you feel better. Come on, let’s go!” He pauses, then turns around to look at Koharu. “Koharu, you wanna come with?”

The offer is tempting, but… Koharu finds herself shaking her head. “I still have a lot of research to finish up here. You two go ahead.”

Ash holds up a thumbs-up in response. “Good luck! Thanks for the Pokepuffs, Koharu! See ya later!”

Without another word, he takes Gou’s hand into his and yanks him towards the lobby. Gou yells in surprise, pink-faced and stumbling as he gets pulled out of the laboratory with Ash in a tangle of limbs. 

As she watches them go, Koharu hides her smile behind her Pokémon Breeding book, carefully folds up her little feelings, and places them in a corner somewhere.

Those two are a perfect pair, and it won’t do good for her to enter the equation.

Besides, she’s content with Yamper and Gossifleur by her side, her family, and a pile of research papers and schoolwork.

She looks up from her book and realises with a start that Raboot is still in the lounge. Their eyes meet, and the Rabbit Pokemon seems intent on holding a staring competition with her. Koharu complies coolly, and minutes slip past like butter before she sharpens her stare into a glare, and Raboot lets out a little snort and breaks their contact.

As it heads out of the laboratory, it turns its head back to give Koharu one last meaningful look. Then it slips out like a ninja who was never there in the first place, and leaves Koharu alone with her brimming thoughts. 

* * *

“How was your little trip?”

In the kitchen, Gou jumps, almost toppling over his glass of water at her voice. Koharu walks in, sits down on the opposite side of the breakfast table and pours herself a cup of water into her Yamper mug. 

Gou glares at her nonchalance, even as Yamper barks up at him, and Koharu finally lets herself laugh as she bursts out in snorts and giggles. 

“The Poképuff wasn’t even _spicy,”_ she chortles, and Gou groans loudly, slamming his head onto the table.

“ _Shut_ up.” He peeks up at her between his arms, suddenly shy. “Uh… but… thanks for covering for me, anyway.”

Koharu smiles down at him sadly. “You really love him, don’t you?” she says.

Almost as if she’s flipped a switch, Gou blushes furiously at the intimate word and turns into a stuttering mess.

“W-what? No way, I don’t _l-love_ Ash, not at all! He’s just my best friend, and I love him as a f-friend, and nothing more, and i-it’s not like I think of how stupidly brave he is, or how radiant his smile is, or how his deep brown eyes sparkle, or how _stupidly_ stubborn he is when he’s got his mind set on helping someone—no, _not at all,”_ he blabbers, and Koharu brings a palm to her face tiredly.

“Arceus, help us,” she mutters, and realises she’s subconsciously started to incorporate Pokémon into her speech, just like how she’s started to incorporate Pokémon into her daily life. She shakes her head. 

“Oh, by the way,” she says. “I know they’re not for humans, but how did the Poképuff taste?”

Too late, she realises she shouldn’t have asked that, because Gou turns an even darker shade of red, muttering, “It was _sweet…_ really sweet…” as his fingers reach up to touch his lips, and Koharu rolls her eyes, sighing.

Strangely, as the two of them continue to sit there, chatting idly about Gou’s crush on his fellow research fellow, she realises her heart feels as light as a feather carried by a gentle breeze, blissfully drifting through the spring air, and she thinks to herself, _maybe this isn’t that bad._

* * *

(That fateful summer, right after the spring where her little feelings for the boy with fires and stars in his eyes bloomed like the cherry blossom trees outside the Sakuragi Institute, those same petals shied away from the blinding summer sun that was spicy Poképuffs and little blushes—and shriveled in the autumn, detaching from the branches and drifting down to land amongst a sea of dead petals. The petals are dead, but the cherry blossom tree lives on without them and continues to grow, its bald crown proudly lifted through winter, waiting for spring to come again.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has come to my attention that there have been people claiming they are 'the biggest koharu stan', or even _'the_ koharu stan'. i shall not name them.  
> smh.  
> first of all, koharu stans should band together, not band against one another.  
> but if you really wanna do this, let me get just one thing straight: 
> 
> _i_ am _the_ koharu stan. 
> 
> (this has been a psa.)
> 
> *coughs* ahem. 
> 
> on another, more related note:
> 
> i don't know how to feel about this chapter as i feel my writing is a little iffy in this one-- but i still like it!  
> koharu grows the most in this chapter, hence the chapter title 'the growing'.
> 
> i actually didn't intend for this chapter to be as long as it is now, because i didn't intend for koharu to catch a gossifleur. i'd written this chapter a long time ago. but suddenly, about a week ago at 12 midnight, i suddenly got a brainwave and sent a message to the ashXgou discord server: if koharu was a trainer, she'd have a gossifleur. no i will not explain. good night
> 
> i did not explain. i went to bed. i think the chapter explained it pretty well already, though, so i shall not explain now, i think :3 
> 
> this is the chapter with the most satogou/firstfriend/gouache/journey/fellow/or whatever the heck the ship name for them is anymore lmao. i love these two idiot boys so much  
> also, we've covered and went through both one-sided koharu/gou and one-sided koharu/ash arcs already. they all last pretty short, because the focus of this fic is *not* on romance. it is on koharu, and her growth. <3
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoyed this chapter! see you next week!


	6. the blossoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Struggling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy june! and happy pride month!
> 
> thank you for the kudos and comments! i really appreciate it. <3
> 
> without further ado, here's chapter 6!

**6**

_the blossoming_

Soon, as summer fades into autumn and autumn fades into a chilly winter, Koharu realises that she’s nowhere near a happy ending. 

She’s struggling more than ever on her Research, as the work gets harder and harder. The words and numbers start to swirl and jumble before her eyes and none of the information seems to filter into her mind. The Pokémon in the Sakuragi Park are becoming more and more uncooperative, and sometimes Koharu feels herself on the verge of losing her patience and snapping. 

Kikuna and Renji send more and more concerned looks towards her. Her father is as patient and kind as ever, but he stops inviting experts into the laboratory. And slowly, the research papers pile up, and the stack of Breeding books have long blocks of texts left unread, next to a finished but undiscarded strawberry milk packet. 

It’s almost midnight, and she has her head slumped on her study table in the laboratory, drifting off before she can hold on to any string of coherent thought.

The next morning, Mr. Mime has cleared her drink. A blanket is draped over her shoulders.

She hurries to change into her winter school uniform, doing her hair messily, and runs off to school herself. 

And it’s not just Research work that’s piling up. She stays up poring over her worksheets from school, but she receives them back with red Cs and Ds scrawled over the front. She finds herself dozing off in class, even now.

“Koharu!” the teacher calls, and she jerks awake to find the entire class staring at her. She creases her forehead in concern. Her voice softens. “Is everything all right?”

_ No, _ she wants to say.  _ No, I’m not all right. _

But all she says is, “Sorry”, and she spends the rest of the class with her back ramrod straight, scribbling down incoherent notes in her notebook next to a table of Research findings, trying not to cry.

* * *

Lunch couldn’t come soon enough, and the second the school bell rings, Koharu bolts out of the classroom into the garden, ignoring her classmates’ worried looks.

In the winter, the school garden is covered in a thick white blanket of snow, and Koharu is tasked to shovel the snow. In the biting cold, every toss of the shovel makes her shiver, and the metal handle of the shovel burns through the thin fabric of her gloves.

Koharu lifts her head to the pale grey sky, and feels the tiny snowflakes kiss her half-frozen cheeks. In the stillness of the garden, she feels herself break down, just a little.

“Koharu.”

A familiar voice brings her out of her daze. Koharu turns to see her mother standing in front of her, and the sight fills her eyes with hot tears.

Her mother smiles at her, but it is a sad smile. “Silly girl,” she says softly, and wraps an arm around her shoulders, guiding her to the pavilion. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

* * *

“You forgot your lunch box— _ again,” _ nags her mother, as she thrusts the box into Koharu’s hands. “I know you’re living in the lab now, but you have to learn to take care of yourself better.” 

She studies Koharu’s face with an unreadable expression, and Koharu wonders what she sees.

“Thank you, Mum,” she chokes out. She lets her mother wrap her in a tight embrace, and she holds on fiercely, wishing she’ll never have to let go, because it feels like home.

* * *

“So,” her mother says quietly. “You have a dream now. A goal to work towards. How does it feel?”

“At first, it felt really good,” admits Koharu, looking down at her hands. “Like waking up every day and finding a purpose in everything you do. But then, it started to get really messy real quick. I’m having trouble juggling both my Research and my school work, but I’m not sure if I want to let go of one for the other. I—” 

Her voice breaks off, and she takes in a shaky breath, freezing air stinging her lungs. 

“I’m not sure about a lot of things.”

She feels her mother take her hands into hers, and say, “I’m proud of you.”

Koharu looks up at her mother, her soft gasp sending a puff of white mist into the air. Her mother smiles down at her. 

“I know I haven’t said anything about your endeavours, but I was very proud of you. I still am.” She starts to trace circles in Koharu’s palm as she continues, “It takes courage to decide you want something, and even more courage to venture to work towards it wholeheartedly. I think… you look happier than I’ve ever seen you when you’re in the laboratory, studying and caring for Pokémon.

“I know it’s hard. It’ll always be hard, but it’ll get easier, I promise. As long as you keep your love for Pokémon and what you do in mind always, you’ll pull through stronger and happier.” Koharu thinks of Yamper and Gossifleur, and her chest fills with warmth.

Her mother pauses, then adds, “I think it would be wise to drop school to focus on Research full-time, but it’s completely up to you if you want to continue attending school.”

Koharu frowns down at their interlocked hands. 

_ Does _ she want to drop school? The idea is tempting, especially considering her predicament now, but… she’s always enjoyed going to school, talking to her friends, learning among classmates, watering the plants in the garden… and she doesn’t know if she wants to let go of all of that—the experiences that make up a school life, and the experiences that made her love school.

Her mother snaps her fingers, and Koharu looks up at her curiously. “You know, I used to attend the Pokémon Academy by the harbour when I was your age,” she says, and Koharu gapes at her.

_ “Huh? _ You did, Mum?” 

She laughs at the expression on Koharu’s face. “Yes, before I decided I wanted to be a comic artist, so I stopped attending there to go to a normal high school—so I could take art at university.”

She stands up and looks back at Koharu, and there is a sense of purpose, of  _ urgency _ in her movements. “I’ll go inform your teacher I’m taking you out. I want to show you around the school.”

Koharu stares after her bemusedly as she walks out into the snow towards the school building.

* * *

The Pokémon Academy is nothing like what Koharu expected.

From outside, it looks just like a normal school, but when she and her mother venture deeper into the school, she realises it is anything but.

As the tour guide walks them through the many classrooms and corridors in between, he brings them to a library comparable to the one in the Sakuragi Institute, its shelves crammed with books about Pokémon. Koharu spots one on Breeding immediately. Her gaze flickers to the desks of computers, where a few students are researching information with intense concentration.

The school also boasts a glistening swimming pool and a gigantic mess hall. Overhead, a disembodied voice rings out through the PA speakers, reading out a few announcements for the students. Koharu stares at everything they pass silently. 

Because it’s a winter day, the school compound is relatively quiet, with everyone crammed into their classrooms for theory lessons, the heaters humming a jittery melody. Koharu shivers, pulling her overcoat tighter around her, and continues walking along the empty halls.

“In the summer, outdoor field projects are held to study wild Pokémon so that students can become familiar with and eventually catch their own Pokémon,” the tour guide explains, and Yoshino hums,  _ Ah yes, I remember doing that once. _

The tour guide walks them across the empty courtyard, to a cottage that resembles a life-sized dollhouse. At the sight, her mother suddenly perks up.

“Ah, the Pokémon House!” exclaims Yoshino, clapping her hands together. The tour guide smiles at her. 

“Yes, the Pokémon House.” To Koharu, he explains, “Here, we house Pokémon for the students to study and play with.” 

The tour guide leaves them at the door. Koharu gapes as she steps inside and is instantly greeted by a Skitty and a Meowth. To her relief, they stay a good few inches away from her, unlike Gou’s Pidgey and Nidoran, and they remain obediently still as she bends down to scratch their chins, purring in pleasure.

Koharu looks around her. There are a few students scattered around the first floor, a gentle buzz of chatter floating in the air as they interact with the Pokémon. A blonde-haired girl is feeding a Butterfree a bowl of Pokémon pellets and scribbling furiously in her notebook as she scrutinises the Pokémon’s reaction. A little boy laughs as he runs around the room, letting himself be chased by a friendly Growlithe before he collapses into giggles and lets the Puppy Pokémon crawl on top of him and lick his face. An older boy rests his head against the wall as a Wartortle snoozes in his lap.

A spiral staircase winds its way up to the second floor, and Koharu lifts her head to the ceiling. Koharu’s mother follows her line of sight, smiles cryptically, and asks, “Shall we go up?”

There is nobody on the second floor. The room is different here—the floor is wood-panelled, and speckled with paint of all sorts of colours—green, red, blue, yellow, and even purple. It feels like walking into a street crammed with vibrant graffiti—there doesn’t seem to be a speck of empty space on all four walls of the room, and not even the ceiling is spared. Only the hanging lamp in the middle of the room is spotless, and casts a strange glow on the abstract paintings. The floor is scattered with loose sheets of white paper, some painted on, some left blank.

“Wow,” says Koharu, her eyes skimming over the whole stretch of paintings, not sure what to take in first. Then she catches sight of Yoshino’s sad smile, and gives a start. “Mum?”

Koharu’s mother turns to look at Koharu, an absentminded glance. “Oh? No, it’s nothing. It’s just…” She takes a deep breath as she surveys the room, as if searching for something in particular. “It looks very different from when I was here as a student.” 

Koharu tilts her head, frowning, but then freezes when something tugs on her braid.

“What is it—” her mother starts to ask when Koharu tries to turn around to look at her hair, then inhales sharply when her eyes latch onto something behind Koharu. She falls oddly silent.

“What is it, Mum?” she presses an unresponsive Yoshino. “Is it a kid or a Pokémon?” She fishes out her phone—newly upgraded into a Rotom Phone—and rotates the camera to identify the culprit.

A Pokémon stares back into the camera, and Koharu’s Rotom Phone automatically scans the little monkey-like creature, quickly identifying it with a beep.

“Smeargle, the Painter Pokémon,” the Rotom Phone states in a monotonous voice. “A special fluid oozes from the tip of its tail, and it paints it everywhere to mark its territory. The fluid of Smeargle's tail secretions changes in the intensity of its hue as the Pokémon's emotions change.” 

“Smeargle…” Koharu squints at the Pokémon through her phone. Smeargle almost looks like it’s wearing a beret. It has one hand wrapped around Koharu’s braid like a vice, and the other hand gripping its tail, which seems to have been dipped in a blue paint. 

Paint.

_ It paints the fluid everywhere to mark its territory. _ Koharu swivels her head to look around the whole room splattered with paint.  _ Then this room must be…  _

“Smeargle,” she says, and at its name, the Pokémon turns to look at her. Their eyes meet through the screen of her phone, and Koharu says, “You were the one who painted this room, right?”

It nods in confirmation, but there’s something so subdued about it that Koharu takes notice. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks Smeargle, but it only holds onto her braid even tighter than before, refusing to let go.

“It thinks you’re me,” her mother says quietly, all of a sudden, and Koharu whirls around to face her. 

“What?”

“I knew this Smeargle, when I was a student here. I used to play with it and paint with it, as we shared a love for art.” Smeargle stills and lets go of Koharu to look at Yoshino. “We were very good friends in the past, and I even wore a beret like Smeargle’s and braided my hair to resemble a paintbrush like Smeargle’s tail, as a sign of our friendship, because we were both artists.”

“But…?” Koharu prods.

“But…” she sighs, something breaking in her expression, and murmurs, “But I left the school without ever saying goodbye to Smeargle. And I still regret it to this day.”

“Mum…” Koharu stares at Yoshino, then at Smeargle with its drooped ears and hunched body and blue-tipped tail.  _ The fluid of Smeargle's tail secretions changes in the intensity of its hue as the Pokémon's emotions change.  _ And with this particular Smeargle, its fluid didn’t just change in the hue’s intensity. It changed in  _ colour.  _ And all sorts of different colours are splattered around the room like an artist’s palette, making Koharu wonder,  _ Just how affected was Smeargle when Mum left? _

“Say sorry to Smeargle then, Mum!” she urges Yoshino, who blinks at her slowly. “You’ve finally got the chance to see Smeargle again, so apologise and make up for your past mistakes!”

Yoshino hesitates, but Smeargle suddenly cuts in with a snort and says angrily, “Smeargle!”

“Smeargle can’t bring itself to forgive me,” says Yoshino sadly, confirming Koharu’s worst fears. “And that’s all right, because it was completely my fault. I knew that Smeargle had no other friends except for myself, and everyone ignored it because they thought its painting habits were weird, even the Pokémon here. And yet I still left without even saying goodbye.” Her head is bowed and her eyes lowered, but Koharu can still see her shimmering tears, clear as day. “I bet it’s been lonely all this time. There’s no way I can make up for all those years it spent up in this room alone, with art as its only outlet.”

Koharu stews in silence, chewing her bottom lip. 

This isn’t something she’s used to. This is nothing like the simple exchanges of affection between her and her Pokémon, nothing like studying mathematics and literature at school, and nothing like the systematic and technical Pokémon Research she’s accustomed herself to in the past few months. Even her current struggle with Research and schoolwork pales in comparison with the situation she’s faced with at hand—a problem of the broken relationship between a human and a Pokémon, a problem of years of hurt and betrayal and regret that she fears she’s still too young, too naïve to truly understand.  __

But she  _ has _ to, doesn’t she? No matter her inexperience, no matter her own struggle with her own problems, she still has to do something to help, because it hurts to see something broken—like her relationship with Gou a few months back before they came to terms with it and made up—and it compels her to do something— _ anything— _ to make it better.

And she believes a broken relationship is salvageable. After all, if she and Gou can make up, her mother and Smeargle can, too. All it takes is time, understanding, and a mutual desire to become friends again. And in the few months since Ash Ketchum entered Gou and Koharu’s lives, the both of them have grown so much, and learnt to see and understand each other’s perspectives. And maybe Yoshino and Smeargle can, too.

At that very moment, Koharu makes a decision.

“Smeargle,” she says firmly. “I can’t imagine what you’ve had to go through in all these years after my mother left you. But see, my mum left to chase her dreams to become a comic artist. She loved you a lot, but she loves drawing even more. Maybe that sounds like a bad thing, but I think you can understand—you love painting a lot too, don’t you?

“What I’m trying to say is… Mum made a mistake. I won’t deny that. But she never stopped loving you. She never stopped thinking about you. Did you know she’s an illustrator now? I’m sure every time she works on an illustration, she thinks about all the times she spent painting with you! And to this day, she still keeps the beret in her room—she’s never thrown it away—and she still braids her hair. And  _ I _ braid my hair, too, like my mother, because my mother’s an amazing person and I love her and so I like to do my hair just like her, never knowing that all this time, it was a way to remember you.” She smiles at Smeargle. “In fact, that’s why you held on to my braid just now, wasn’t it? Because it looked like a paintbrush, and it looks like my mother’s hair. That’s why you were confused when you saw it wasn’t my mum, after all. 

“But now, my mum’s here. She’s here. I know you’re super angry and sad that my mum left you and didn’t visit you until now, and I don’t expect you to forgive her, at least not immediately, because your feelings are completely justified. But…” Koharu takes in a deep breath, then takes Smeargle’s paws into her hands as she pleads, “Please give her a chance to redeem herself. So, I have a proposition for you, and for Mum.

“I know this room and this place harbours a lot of bad memories for you, other than the times when my mum was here. Mum was your only friend. So… what if you left this place with us?” Koharu sees Smeargle’s eyes widen, just a little, and she forges ahead, more excitedly. “It will take time to forgive my mother. And deep down, I  _ know _ you want to be friends with her again, just like how you were in the past. So come along with us back home. You can paint and make art with Mum again, just like old times… and maybe both of you can learn to rebuild your relationship. 

“And if you still can’t find it within you to forgive her, it’s fine. You can come back here anytime, but know that even if my mum doesn’t visit,  _ I _ will. I’ll come and visit you every week, no matter how busy I am, so that you won’t feel as lonely.” Koharu doesn’t know if her current struggle with her work would make that idea feasible, but she doesn’t care. 

“So,” she breathes, as she looks from Smeargle to a stunned Yoshino, “what do you say?”

There are tears in her mother’s eyes. “Koharu…”

Smeargle stays silent as it pads over to Yoshino. The both of them stare at each other for a long couple of seconds before Smeargle exhales, and sticks a paw out towards her.

Yoshino takes a deep, shaky breath, and takes Smeargle’s paw into her hand. 

“I will hold on to you,” she says, her voice trembling with absolute solemnity, “and I will never let go again.”

* * *

(It is a promise, Koharu remarks to herself as she watches the two of them silently, something precious, something fragile, but she knows it is a promise her mother will never break. 

Because after all, when you find something important, something to be treasured, you would want to hold on, and you wouldn’t ever want to let go of it, no matter how hard the struggle— 

—just like— _ just like Pokémon _ . Pokémon Breeding, Pokémon Research, and  _ Pokémon  _ in itself, she realises with a start.

For the second time today, Koharu makes a decision.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was the chapter i struggled the most with writing, i had writers' block when i reached the pokemon school part. and my writing isn't the best in this chapter, but i hope you still enjoyed reading it.
> 
> at first, when i was imagining/planning about smeargle, i intended for koharu to have smeargle, but when i was writing this chapter, it naturally made itself out for koharu's mother to have it, and it makes perfect sense. koharu is the one who helps to fix their relationship, and it's important to help her realise there's something just so beautiful about pokemon and people's relationships with pokemon, something so beautiful she realises she wants to keep on going with pokemon, she doesn't want to give up on pokemon when the going gets tough-- because no matter how tough it is, there's always something rewarding about pokemon. simply giving her another pokemon when i've already given her gossifleur wouldn't quite solve her predicament here.  
> anyway, yoshino's beret which i mentioned this chapter is actually a callback to episode 11, where there was a flashback of professor sakuragi and yoshino as high schoolers, and she was wearing a beret. so i decided to incorporate it into smeargle's story. they both have berets anyway cuz they're artists lmao
> 
> oh yeah, anipoke has lifted their hiatus, and they're coming back sunday! hooray!! (it'll be just in time, too, since the last chapter comes out on thursday)
> 
> thank you for reading, and i'll see you on thursday!! <3


	7. the end, but just the beginning (the holding on)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The season of new beginnings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i went back and edited in the strikethrough text formatting that i didn't realise didn't show up in the previous chapters... so if there was any awkward word phrasing it was probably the strikethrough... and added in chapter summaries for the chapters i'd missed. 
> 
> thank you for the kudos & comments!
> 
> for one last time, i hope you enjoy this chapter!

**7**

_the end, but just the beginning (the holding on)_

It is spring again.

Koharu brings her Pokémon for a stroll in the streets of the city, where cherry blossom trees line the sides, drowning the pavement in a sea of pale pink.

Gossifleur twirls in the wind amongst the drifting petals, spreading its pollen in the spring air and singing a joyous song that garners many awed stares from the passersby. Yamper bounces up and down as it barks up at Gossifleur, dancing around as it plays with the petals covering the path. Koharu smiles down at them—her heart, too, singing a joyous song like Gossifleur and dancing around like Yamper.

It’s spring break for the Pokémon Academy, and Koharu feels much lighter than she did three months ago, when she first visited the academy during winter and met Smeargle. 

Since then, she’s decided, in a bold move, to switch schools and study at the Pokémon Academy, and she’s loved it ever since. The Pokémon-centric curriculum gives her time at school to continue her Pokémon Research, and still allows her to interact with classmates and teachers, albeit in a different way. 

In school, she learns to relax and have fun with Pokémon. And back at the Institute, she continues her research and her study of Pokémon Breeding, more than occasionally crossing paths with Gou and Ash, who greet her with their sunny smiles and sit down with her to chat, sometimes offering their insights as research fellows. 

One day, she realises Yamper doesn’t bark at Ash ferociously anymore, and she lets herself smile when she realises how far they’ve come from that fateful beginning, back at the Institute’s opening ceremony. How Ash Ketchum turned from a dead body to an annoying boy who stole Gou away from her, then to a bearable companion, then to someone she thought she loved more than a friend—and finally, to a true friend. ~~And Gou’s future boyfriend.~~

And Gou? She and Gou have been through a lot, and once upon a time, Koharu was obsessed with him. But with the passage of time, he has turned from a childhood friend to a crush, from a crush to an annoying but undeniable friend, and finally—a good friend. (She can’t say _best friend,_ because Ash is Gou’s best friend.)

Once upon a time, Gou was obsessed with Pokémon, and Koharu was obsessed with Gou. But they have grown from those childish obsessions, and now… Gou is still obsessed with Pokémon, but in a good way—now, he thrives from his obsession with Pokémon. And now, Koharu is no longer obsessed with Gou, looking past Gou’s life choices to put aside her biases and see Pokémon in an objective light. 

(And when she sees Pokémon for what Pokémon truly are, she can’t help but fall in love with Pokémon.)

A cherry blossom petal lands on her hair. She leaves it there, and lets it stay.

* * *

“People say spring is the season of new beginnings,” Koharu tells Gou. 

The two of them stand on the balcony overlooking the back of the Institute. Vermillion City stretches below and beyond them, evening sunlight painting the steel-and-glass buildings gold. Cherry blossom petals flutter in the wind alongside a scattered kaleidoscope of Butterfree, singing a song of the spring.

The wind ruffles Gou’s hair as he leans against the parapet. Arms draped on the railing, he spares her a sideway glance before fixing his eyes on the distant harbour on the horizon. Koharu follows his gaze. The horizon winks at them, a subtle twinkle of light that beckons a shimmering half-rainbow across the wispy clouds.

Gou brushes his hair to the side. The wind teases it back half a second later as he says, “New beginnings, huh?” There is a smile on his face, one that matches the radiance of the late morning sun. “Makes sense.”

Koharu turns to study his face. His cheeks are sun-kissed and flushed from yesterday’s journey to Alola, and his blue eyes sparkle, twin sapphires in the sunlight. He looks nothing like the Gou from a little more than a year before. She wonders how _she_ looks to him—whether she has changed in his eyes, too. 

“After all, it was last year’s spring, when I met Ash,” he murmurs, wistful, and Koharu smiles at the softness in his voice.

“Yes, I remember,” she says matter-of-factly. “You told me you met Lugia, and I just said, _Oh, is that so?_ and proceeded to hand you the worksheets from school.”

Gou grins. “You _really_ have changed, haven’t you?”

Koharu sighs at his teasing tone and shakes her head. “Yeah, I have,” she admits after a moment, lifting her eyes to the horizon again. Her voice is light, like the wind. “Both of us have.”

Gou shrugs, but his smile widens as a breeze picks up again, sending cherry blossom petals soaring through the air. The balcony is scattered with these petals, and Koharu is reminded of that first day after Ash moved into the laboratory, where the flowers in her old school bloomed all at once, and she was in charge of clean-up duty.

She says so to Gou, and to her surprise, Gou bursts into laughter, holding his sides. “Oh, _that_ one,” he chuckles. “We went on our first job as research fellows and watched the Ivysaur evolve into Venusaur, and they spread their pollen throughout the city. That was why the flowers bloomed.”

Koharu rolls her eyes. “I should’ve known it was something to do with you two.”

Gou laughs, an airy sound so unlike the old him, but so fitting for the present him. The cherry blossom petal drifting by accentuates his blush, which has bloomed across his cheeks like flowers in the spring.

“That was the day I fell in love with him, Koharu. I fell in love and I’m still in love with him, even now.”

Koharu tilts her head at him, a sad smile playing at her lips. “You know he’s not going to stay forever, right?” she says, as gently as the spring breeze blows, but Gou’s face still falls at her words, and his whole body seems to deflate just a little, closing in on itself.

His eyes lower. The corner of his lip curls, quivering. 

“I know that,” he whispers, so soft Koharu has to strain her ears to make the words out.

“Do you?” she counters. “Seems like you’re in denial. You should know that one day, you’ll wake up in your dormitory and realise the bottom bed is empty and uninhabited. You’ll make your way down to the lounge, sit down to have breakfast—and realise the seat opposite you is empty, too. And when you’re on one of your research journeys, you’ll see a new Pokemon and turn to your side excitedly to point it out, but no one will be there. _No one will be there.”_

“Koharu,” warns Gou, his voice trembling, and Koharu sighs.

“One day, he’s going to leave,” she says gently. “Are you just going to let him go like that?”

Gou looks down at his hands, then lifts his head to stare out at the glittering city that stretches out before them like an endless ocean. He stays silent, but Koharu can see the cogs spinning in his head, the thoughts whirling in his mind.

“Are you ever going to tell him?” she asks him, and it’s his turn to sigh.

“Maybe…” 

Then his expression sharpens into something more certain, more decisive, and with a fire burning in his eyes, he declares, “If he leaves, I’m leaving with him.”

There is a note of finality to his voice that makes Koharu look up.

She studies him as he continues fiercely, “I’ve been travelling to all those other regions with him. So if he decides to leave for another region, I’m going with him. I’ll follow him to the ends of the earth.”

Koharu exhales, a smile tugging at her lips. He seems so ridiculously passionate that anyone else would think he’s joking, but having known him for almost all her life, Koharu knows Gou is anything but joking. After all, when he sets his mind to something, he means it. 

Maybe he’s obsessed with Ash Ketchum, like how he was obsessed with Mew, once upon a time. But precisely because of that, he _will_ chase Ash to the ends of the earth, just like how he chased Mew to the ends of the earth.

And Koharu wouldn’t be able to stop him, not anyone.

“You would, huh?” She lets out a breathy laugh and tips her head to the sky. 

The sun is covered up by clouds, which have weaved together to form a beautiful patchwork across the sky, and Koharu's eyes widen at the stunning sight.

Like the clouds in the sky, she and Gou might have drifted away once upon a time, steered away by their respective tailwinds, but now, it is the wind that brings them back together, and Koharu wants nothing more than to hold on to that feeling.

She glances at Gou, who has his head bowed, deep in thought. She knows he wants to hold on, too—hold on to Ash. 

He catches her looking, and breaks into a sheepish smile. She considers rolling her eyes at him like she always does, but she decides against it.

The both of them will hold on, together.

Instead, she smiles back at him, and the two of them continue standing on the balcony looking over the city. 

“Thank you, Koharu.”

The silence is broken by Gou's voice. Koharu blinks, starting at the sudden words. She turns her head to look at him.

“What for?”

“For everything.” When Koharu makes a bemused sound, he adds, “Thank you for inviting me to the summer camp—if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met Mew. Thank you for inviting me to the Sakuragi Institute’s opening ceremony—if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have become research fellows with Ash. And most of all, _thank you_ for always being my friend through it all.”

Koharu smiles. She finds she’s been smiling a lot more, these days, and the strangest thing is, she doesn’t feel like stopping.

They haven’t been the best friends to each other before, she and Gou. But like people like to say, spring is the season of new beginnings. 

This spring can be a new beginning for their friendship, too. 

"You're welcome," she says.

(Ash finds them after half an hour and drags them off to the Sakuragi Park. Yamper chases after them with its short little legs, wagging its tail furiously. Ash gulps a little and runs faster. After all this time, after all that's happened, he’s still afraid of the little puppy.)

(Some things never change.)

* * *

When their car nears the porch of their house, Yoshino and Smeargle are standing in front of the garage, a plethora of paint cans laid out like a rainbow before them. They have painted the walls of the garage a sky of pale, buttery yellow, with a scattered flurry of cherry blossoms that backdrop a shimmering rainbow. The doors of the garage have been transformed into twin cherry blossom trees, a pair that stands tall and proud and gallant in the setting sun.

Professor Sakuragi lets out a sound of surprise, blinking and adjusting his glasses before whistling at the sight. 

“Wow! Not bad at all, you two,” he calls through the open driver’s window. Yoshino blushes as pink as the painted cherry blossoms, and Koharu realises she’s wearing her old artist’s beret.

She hops out of the car and helps her mother and Smeargle clear the cans to either side of the garage. As her father manoeuvres the car into the garage for parking, Koharu squats down to pet Smeargle’s beret-head, retrieving a small can from her satchel and pouring a handful of pellets into her palm.

“Here,” she says, letting Smeargle eat from her palm and smiling in satisfaction when Smeargle’s face brightens in delight. It’s her own concoction of Pokemon food specially made in mind of Smeargle’s tastes, with a good balance of nutrients from a variety of high-quality Berries shipped directly from the Pick a Peck of Colours Flower Shop. 

(She accompanied Ash and Gou to the Sinnoh Region a few weeks back, where they visited the shop in Floaroma Town. The owner Forsythia and her Roserade seemed familiar with Ash, and while the three of them were learning to cook Poffins in her kitchen, Ash was surprisingly skilled at making them—and he seemed especially smug when all his Pokemon loved them. After the class, Forsythia promised to send over a collection of her best hand-picked Berries over to the Institute.) 

She hears her mother approach from behind, and stands up, turning around to face her curiously.

“Koharu,” her mother greets. Her face is freckled with paint, a constellation across her cheeks, and Koharu thinks behind those thick, rimmed glasses, she can see stars reflected in her mother’s eyes. 

“Mum,” she greets too, a smile blossoming across her lips. “Your work is beautiful. You and Smeargle really do make a great team.”

Her mother bends down to pinch her cheeks affectionately—though, she doesn’t have to lower herself as much as before—Koharu seems to have grown taller through the past year. She wonders how much taller she has yet to grow. 

“And I really need to say, _Thank you_ to you, Koharu, for that.” 

Koharu meets her solemn stare as she continues, “If it wasn’t for you, Smeargle would still be alone and hurt in the Pokemon House, I wouldn’t be able to make amends for my past mistakes, and we wouldn’t be together like this now. _You_ brought us back together, Koharu. _Thank you.”_

“Smeargle!” Smeargle chimes in.

“And _thank you,_ Koharu, for being the best daughter any father could ask for,” adds Professor Sakuragi from behind. Koharu whirls around to see him beaming down at her, Yamper bounding up to her, barking happily. “No matter what path you choose in the end, Pokemon-related or not, it doesn’t matter—because I see you work hard in whatever you do.

“Thank you for being brave enough to say no to Pokemon, to say no to blindly following in my footsteps, to choose your own separate path. Thank you for not closing yourself off completely to Pokemon. And most of all, thank you for being brave enough to change your path, to decide for yourself what you want in your life, to take charge of your own future.” He ruffles Koharu’s hair, and she smiles up at him, warmth blooming in her heart.

“Big Sister, you’re amazing!” Sota shouts from the doorstep, and a laugh escapes Koharu’s lips, light and blissful. The wind ferries it away with the pink petals.

Together, the four of them make their way into the house, arms around one another, chatting and laughing. Yamper leaps into her arms, and she holds it tightly, not wanting to let go.

Surrounded by her family, nestled in their arms, Koharu—truly, _truly_ —feels at home. 

And with warmth coming into full bloom in where it was once hollow, she holds on. 

* * *

(It is spring again. And Koharu has realised that it’s not obsession that always circles back. No, an obsession is something impermanent, something easily erasable by the passage of time and the four seasons.

Spring. It always circles back to spring, and Koharu is blossoming like the cherry blossom trees outside the Institute.)

  
  
  


~~**The End** ~~

**The Beginning**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and... it's finished.
> 
> this was originally going to be a really long one-shot about koharu lamenting how she and gou have grown apart and how she's in stagnation butttttttt that's no fun at all and she deserves more of a story. she deserves growth.
> 
> so i wrote this story. and i vowed to finish it because that's what she deserves. i didn't want to leave it unfinished and un-updated like many of my other fics. and i wanted to finish it before the hiatus ended. and i did. (surprisingly, amazingly.)
> 
> i love koharu as a character. she has so much potential to grow. but no one pays the attention she deserves to her - all the fanfictions that include koharu, include her as a side character, just like the show. and maybe she is. but she's only a side character to ash and gou's story. she's the protagonist in HER story. 
> 
> writing this has been so much fun. i got the chance to really be in koharu's shoes, see what she sees, thinks what she thinks, does what she does. it's certainly an interesting perspective. 
> 
> i think i'm like my sister--both of us love the side characters more than the main characters. and that's because side characters are less fleshed out due to more attention being paid to the main characters--but precisely because of their incompleteness, we see their potential to grow. i do believe the anime has much more in store for her than they've let on, and i can't wait to see her development in future episodes. 
> 
> anyway, thank you. thank you for reading and accompanying me on koharu's journey these past few weeks. thank you for leaving kudos and commenting--i really enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts. and thank you for believing in koharu's story. that's all for now. <3

**Author's Note:**

> updates every monday and thursday.


End file.
